A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 6- A Little Chaotic

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I get ready for the day and am mixed with so many emotions that it's hard to pin exactly all that they are. I'm excited, Jackson's coming over for Thanksgiving, it's the first time we are spending time with each other outside of the clinic and school. It's also what's making me nervous, and regretful. I like spending time with him, but it's like meeting a new person in a way. Taking someone you know from one environment to another, it's hard for my brain to remember that it's fine, that they are the same, that things can be the same. All I keep doing is overthinking it and feeling this weird mess of things. It's hard not to let the chaos overtake me.

'Everything's going to be fine.'

But what if he thinks I'm weird?

'He already does.'

What if I screw up? What if I do something that scares him? What if he changes his mind about me because he sees me differently? What if he didn't really want to come over, and was just being polite?

Oh, God! Is that true? Did I pressure him, and that's why he said yes?

'You're fine. You're overthinking it.'

What if I'm not thinking enough about it? What if my family doesn't like him, and it makes him shut down? What if they do, and they overwhelm him? What if-

'STOP! You're freaking yourself out.'

I know, but still...

'Still nothing. Calm down, it will all be okay.'

'It's not going to be. You really screwed up by inviting him over.'

I DID!

'You're spiraling. Remember what they said. Stop, and take a breath. Focus on your breath to help stop the thoughts from overwhelming you.'

You're right. Just breathe.

In...

And, out...

In...

And, out...

I repeat the process a few more times and find myself calming down.

There's nothing I can do to change things, so I need to take it one step at a time. No point in worrying over things that haven't even happened.

I focus instead on finishing getting ready. It's what I can control. That and fixing up my room before I leave. Everything needs to be in its spot to help me feel best.

"Hey, Madison!"

My sister Sydney barges into my room which makes me both jump from being startled and get angry for her coming in without knocking first. Again. She knows my stance on it as it's a fight we've had consistently. She rolls her eyes when noticing my anger about it.

"Chill, I forgot. Don't overreact, okay? But, for real, Mom wants to know if you took her shirt? The one with the ruffles?"

A little frustrated that the finger is pointed at me when Sydney is always the one to steal Mom's clothes, it's not the first time I've been blamed for things.

"Uh, no. Did you take it?"

Another annoyed look from her, she responds in a tone reflecting the same.