Extra: Summer's Diary I

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by Eshwari13

by Eshwari13

Mature Theme:

Entry: 567

It's a third eye opening experience for me when I met her.

Entry: 568

Wanted to die today but couldn't. She was in pain. She needed me. I can't go yet.

Entry: 569

I have decided, next month it's time for the end. She's insisting for marriage. How could I tell her, that I couldn't live with the sin of making her widow. How could I marry her knowing that I'll be dead. The husband has very less span of life. So I decided I'm gonna arrange a fake marriage. I know it'll hurt her when she gets to know but it's for her own good.

Entry: 580

I was too wasted to write anything for a few days. I feel like my lungs are shrinking. I guess I'm closer.

Entry: 581

Fake Married her. But I couldn't just make her my widow. God, I couldn't live with it. I couldn't just make her a widow. My widow. No. God forbid. There's someone out there for her. I know. It's not me. She is the one for me but I'm not the one for her. I wish...

I wish, I met her earlier then I would have strength to live. A longingness for living. By now, I would have married her, and could have built a family with her.

I wanted her to be my children's mother. I wanted 3 kids. Two boys and a girl.

We could have named them by Indian culture. I already figured it out. I talked with her Nani and she gave me names. She said, Shaurya (Sun) and Rudra (Shiva the god) for the boys and Phool kanwar (flower) for the baby girl.

When Peach broke the news that she was pregnant. I knew it was fake because I didn't have it in my to make someone pregnant. Due to my alcoholism and other medical conditions, I killed that opportunity too.

But still, I wanted to be the father. Being a father would have given me some sense of purpose. I was ready to be that baby's father even though I was not. The idea of being a father was very fragile and new to me and I was greedy for it but I couldn't. I couldn't do it by crushing Iesha.

They were hurting her. I couldn't be selfish. I knew I had to stand up with that poor girl.

My only purpose ended when she met her family in india. Now I can finally go.