devil hunter | bnha x chainsaw man! reader

subject dh-1

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 it was not her fault, it was not her fault, it was not her fault
 
you messily park the car in front of the school, unable to enter the building due to the lack of student id and unwillingness to trigger the alarms. instead, you send sora to fetch someone in your stead and pull the petrified woman from the backseat. "what's... your real name? we were instructed to call you subject dh-1." she asks shakily, letting out a hiss as you lean her against the side of the car and pull her ankle into your lap. you loosen the bandages to take a peek at the injury, your extensive medical knowledge suddenly feels more useful than it did when you were overlooking the dead bodies that were left behind every devil attack. "my name is y/n." you answer simply, looking up at her as you treat the wound. "what's yours?" she swallows softly, keeping her whimpers to a minimum as you unravel the wound and begin to form a pair of forceps in your hands out of matter, expending a bit more energy to solidify the tool into metal so as to not worsen the possible infection.

"chiyo, i don't like my last name very much." you nod a bit, a small smile on your face as you stand up and fetch a water bottle from the inside of her car, pouring it onto the clean side of the used bandages, cleaning the edges of the wound before taking the forceps and bringing them to the bullet hole. "me neither. chiyo, why don't you tell me about something you like?" you ask, and she swallows thickly once more. "i have a cat named sushi. he's--" she yelps as you push the forceps into the skin, carefully feeling around for the bullet. "go on." her breathing becomes labored, but she understands your intentions now. "he- he's orange on the top and white on the bottom, like-- ah!" she takes a sharp breath of air as you get a grip on the bullet and begin to pull it out. "like- f-fish roe on a bed of rice." she finishes finally, a pained smile on her face.

you laugh a bit, she doesn't realize it's forced. "that's very cute, what a fitting name." you say softly, tossing the bullet out once you've freed it from the wound and quickly wrapping it back up with a torn off piece of her coat. she lets out a heavy sigh as you push your hand down on the wound. "sit tight, okay? the healer here will fix up your wound, but the bullets out so you won't get an infection." you can't guarantee that with how long it took for you to get to the wound, but it should be fine regardless. she nods, looking at you with an indescribable expression. just when she's ready to speak, the sound of footsteps running through the gate draws both of your attention. you look behind you to see nemuri and aizawa running toward you two, nezu and a shorter woman you hadn't ever met before. you assume it's the healer. "see? the heroes are here now." you reassure, and she sighs a bit as if disappointed she hadn't gotten her words out in time. you stand up and back away in time for the shorter lady to appear where you kneeled a second ago.

nemuri grabs your shoulder, but you don't turn to her just yet. "i didn't have anything to staunch the bleeding, but i pulled the bullet out with a pair of forceps. as long as an infection hasn't formed already, you only have to stop the bleeding." the healer lady sighs softly, checking the wound for herself before nodding. once that's wrapped up, you're spun around by your shoulders and wrapped into a bone crushing hug by nemuri. she cradles your head against her chest, and you awkwardly return the hug. "i'm... i'm so sorry, honey. none of this ever should've happened to you." she mumbles into your hair and you remain stiff, unable to accept her empathy. this was not her fault, yet you could not deny the resentment that stirred within you as she held you and cried. it was not her fault, it was not her fault, it was not her fault. you repeat to yourself, trying to remember that this woman would've never allowed something like this to happen to you had she known.

and yet, it still happened.

that thought was not your own. yumi's scratchy voice ringing in your ears. you shush her, shaking your head almost imperceptibly.

do not resent her, she didn't wish this upon us.

i don't care, she is complacent. she allowed you to suffer, and you clutched onto that pathetic crumb of kindness they fed you so desperately that you denied yourself freedom to protect their image of you. this cannot be forgiven.

yumi had never spoken to you so openly like this before, you had only ever heard her in your dreams. this was the first time her voice has entered your head unannounced. for a while, her presence lingers. it lingers in the back of your mind as nemuri ushers you inside after the scientist is carted away by little robots carrying a stretcher. it lingers as you sit down in the teachers break room again. it lingers until you and aizawa are the last two standing outside the school as you walk back to his apartment, the place you'd call home for the rest of your time in this world that has proved to be equally as cruel and unforgiving as your own.

"i won't pretend this wasn't my fault. you've been handled cruelly and each of us chose a position where we simply sat and watched your suffering to maintain the life that we live now. we are selfish and undeserving of forgiveness, and i won't apologize out of fear that you might learn to forgive me. all i can say is, meaningless as it may be, you put out to the world what the world puts into you. this world has shown you a hatred and cruelty unlike any other, and i wouldn't have ever blamed you for showing it back to them. however, you didn't." he pauses briefly, and you look up at him as you wait for him to finish. "i'm not sure how to express how exactly that reflects on you as a person, but it is something unbelievably impressive." he finishes, and you wait for the snarky comment from yumi.

silence.

you smile.

"thank you, aizawa." you reply sincerely, and shake your head. "i have nothing to forgive you for. there may have been ways to prevent this, but there was no way to predict it. don't blame yourself--" he cuts you off, putting a hand on your shoulder. you realize you were outside of his door now. your door, too. you suppose. "no, don't say that." he says firmly, looking down at you with a stern expression. "this was our faults, all of ours. allow us to take responsibility for what has happened to you, otherwise there would be no one to do so. doing so would push our shortcomings under the rug, and then we'd never learn." he explains, and you nod.

"i understand." he nods as well, and when you turn to head to the door he stops you.

suddenly, he's bowing at a full 90 degree angle. "i promise that i will never allow something like that to ever occur to you ever again. while you are here, you are under my protection. i swear to protect your freedom for as long as you walk this side of the world with us. i will show you there is good in our world."

you already have.

"i look forward to it." is what comes out instead.

and yet, it still happened.
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