Best Life

Chapter 4

Katie

Why the fuck does shopping have to be so difficult sometimes? I wonder to myself as I browse the aisles of the supermarket. Sold out of my favourite chips, can't find my favourite ice cream, so it's looking more and more like microwave pizza and red wine for dinner. This is what my Friday nights look like but it's not like I can complain. It's merely the product of my basic desire to not have anyone in my life. Not anymore. Being cheated on tends to... well... hurt. I'm much happier just by myself. Besides I'm perfecting the angry bitch face scowl that will surely result in the early onset of wrinkles and age lines, rendering me old, ugly and all alone. Sounds peachy right?

I know I'm... well...difficult. Too much baggage. Too much for anyone to be able to sift through the pieces that make me the way I am. The losses in my past have made me realise that this is the best way for me to live without the pain. My standard defensive mechanisms is to just be fucking angry. It usually doesn't take long for a guy to get the hint I'm not interested. But a girl still has needs right? So if I do hook up then standard backup plan is enacted when things get, well, too much like feelings.
Run.
Run.
Far away.
Never look back.
Just keep going.
Great plan.
Foolproof.
Invincible.

Then he waltzes into the bar and has the fucking audacity to say hi. I mean who the fuck does he think he is? I'll tell you who. The man who, without invitation mind you, has taken up a semi-permanent residence in my brain. His dark long hair, those broad shoulders, piercing eyes and don't even get me started on those lips, that face, that god damn voice. I can't get him out of my head. It doesn't even make sense. It's confusing and annoying and infuriating and it's making me angry and frustrated and... hot.

Fuck.

And above all that is my total embarrassment for not even being able to speak! Jesus! I've been speaking for some years now, you'd think I could have come up with one or two bits of vocabulary but noooo. I gawked at his smouldering hotness which apparently rendered me mute, then for my next classy act, I immediately engage backup plan and I run out the stupid door. Smooth all the way. Did I mention how deliriously happy I am being alone? Yup. I'm also sure I'm now sporting a flustered red face in the middle of aisle five as I'm thinking about him again. What is he fucking doing to me?

I'm thinking I should upgrade from red wine to scotch tonight. May as well go for a blowout and obliterate myself for a night. Lizzy is busy for a few days so I won't need to answer to her accusing tone or pitying looks. I haven't considered my old friend in the red label for a long while but it feeds my heart to the point of numbness. Sounds awesome. It's a great way to cope when you simply don't have the desire to acknowledge problems....like feelings and shit like that. I'll need coffee though. For the morning cure of course. I wander back around the aisles and search for my preferred morning roast. One jar left. Top shelf. At the back. Fuck, of course. I stretch and strain trying to reach, but of course that won't work because then things would be easy... wouldn't they.

"Need some help with that?" A voice asks from behind me. Not just any voice of course. It's the one that renders me utterly useless. Crazy. Angry. Wanting. What the hell is wrong with me?

I slowly turn around and look up at the man behind me. He's smiling at me. Of course. Adam. He casually grabs my coffee jar from the top shelf and drops it in my basket, glancing back to meet my eyes again.

"It's Katie, right?" He casually asks, still smiling. Now would be the perfect time to say something. Anything. Be cool. Confident.

"Yep," I reply. That's as much as my brain can come up with. Let's try a few more words you fucking genius.

"Adam, right?"

"Yep," he replies, then chuckles quietly under his breath. His smile widens and his eyes sparkle with something cheeky.

"So...is that it? You gonna turn and run now?" He is fucking cheeky. But that smile is hard to pull away from. I'm torn about how to react to that because I'm intrigued to find out more about this stupidly hot man in front of me. Angry will probably just scare him off so I go with an awkward tiny little itty smile.

"I'm aah... I'm...," I stutter for the right words to brush over the fact that I was actually pretty rude to him at the bar the other day. When all he offered was a handshake and a greeting. But when I first turned and looked at him, it was like all the air left my lungs and... well... I ran.

"It's okay... you don't have to explain," he quickly cuts me off, literally saving me from my stumbling words. He smiles warmly at me again. I can't help it. I smile a little more right back at him. What the hell is happening? What happened to my Plan A or my backup plan or anything really? It's like that smile is just wiping my brain, sending tendrils of warmth straight to my...I clear my throat and try, but fail to drag my eyes away from his.

"Well... I'll see you round Katie-girl," he smiles and winks at me, then saunters off around the next corner, leaving me stunned by my own reaction. Mouth agape. Thighs clenched. Brain mushed.

Ok. Ok. Ok. Let's pull this shit together. Holy hell he's hot. So, no angry faces. But if this is just a potential hook up, why am I so fluttery and warm just from a cute twist on my name, a smile and a wink? We've spoken only a few words but yet I get the feeling that something is simply pulling us together. That there's much, much more to come. And that is why I'm heading straight for the scotch tonight.

Be still my stupid pounding heart.
YOU are not in control here.
Not at all.
Oh no.