Best Life

Chapter 21

Adam

"Let's get this shit finished," I sweep my arm around at the garden bed we are working on.

I need to lighten the mood. The last thing Katie needs right now is any more questions. I can see her swiping angrily at a couple more stray tears that have fallen as she refocuses on the gardening. Wow, that was some fucked up story about her parents. She is pretty messed up about her feelings about the whole painful ordeal.
Grief.
Regret.
Sadness.

But the overwhelming emotion - the one that's way out of control... is anger. Anger directed at the one survivor of the accident. And the reason - because they may or may not be living life to the fullest. According to Katie.

I really wasn't expecting her to come out and say all that she did. Was it because she trusts me?
I don't think so.
Too much.
Too soon.
I think she did it to give me an out. In her eyes she's messed up, in emotional turmoil, too much for someone to take on, to care. It's a convincing defence mechanism she's adapted.

And that anger. It's actually quite scary. But really who am I to judge? Everyone reacts to tragedy differently, and unfortunately I know that from experience, and this is just her way of coping. But I know there's better ways. It's fairly obvious that this awful tragedy happened very recently. All that grief and anger is still so raw, so all consuming and painful. I wonder if she's ever got some professional help. Perhaps I can talk to her sister about it. I also wonder if she's ever considered reaching out to the survivor, talk to them, meet them. Satisfy herself that the definition of living the best life has different meaning for everyone. But what if her fears are confirmed? And that person is a complete fuck up. Jesus that could make things worse.

I glance over to her as she starts planting the new array of flowers Sam and I purchased. I study her carefully. God she's beautiful. I realise that I've already started planning how I can... well... help her. She let down a lot of walls today and I need her to know that I'm not going anywhere. Her inner turmoil is just one part of her and what sort of a man would I be if I wasn't prepared to accept her... the good and bad? And I really want to see where this thing we've started is going to go. And that means accepting all of those things about her, even the anger. Perhaps I can help her see that she doesn't need to hold onto that rage. That we can find a way to make more sense of the grief. I really want to try. For her. For us. Jesus Christ my mind is moving forward so fast. That could be very stupid or the best thing I've ever fucking done.

We are finally finished the garden bed, no thanks to Sam's valuable input which was not much fucking input at all. She's got another movie night tonight, with a themed dress up. So it makes sense that she rested up for her big night out.

"Wanna drink?" I ask Katie.

God knows we've earned it after gardening for most of the day. It's mid afternoon but still hot as hell so the pool is looking pretty inviting. I think she has bathers in her bag but I don't plan on her needing them just yet.

"Oh god, that would be brilliant. Beer?" She smiles at me too fucking sweetly for her own good.

Dirty long legs, that shirt still slightly unbuttoned, sweat glistening down her chest.
She looks good enough to eat.
Focus.
Beer.
Right.

I saunter off to the kitchen and grab us both a beer. As I come back outside she has wandered over to the pool edge, seemingly deep in thought. Time for a classic diversion tactic. I step as quietly as possible, set the beers down gently on the table and walk up slowly so I'm directly behind her. So lost in thought, she hasn't noticed me. Without warning I suddenly scoop her up in my arms, bridal style, gripping her tightly as she squirms and squeals. So fucking cute.