Best Life

Chapter 43

Katie

Things are a lot clearer now and my thoughts are beginning to settle. I certainly didn't mishear what Adam had said at the hospital but fuck, I sure as hell misinterpreted them. It feels like so long ago but in reality it's only been a few days since that night. A few very long days. Full of regret and guilt and sadness. And way too much alcohol and tears and my usual spiral into self-destruction. Thank god he was so patient. So willing to wait for me. So determined to clear the air, make things right, get us back to...well...us.

So under strict instructions from "she who must be obeyed', I've packed a bag and we are heading over to Adam and Sam's so they can pack themselves. From there we are heading to beautiful Point Henry and the beach house.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm nervous.
This is a huge step for all of us. There's a significant amount of trust from all of us. Adam and Sam are sharing something they've not shared with anyone.
Nobody.
No family.
No friends.
Just me.

That thought slightly fucking terrifies me.

And for me, I'm willingly stepping further into both their lives, trusting them with my dam-fool heart. There's hesitation of course. I'd be foolish to deny that fact. But I feel ready enough. Ready that I'll be looked after, encouraged, nurtured. Coaxed along even further in leaving my sadness and my anger behind. Let go and see how happy I can be without the despair of an event I couldn't control. I've let that accident govern so much of my emotional life and it's time to let that go. It's an exciting and compelling thought for me to grasp. It has a lot to do with this crazy, astonishing connection with Adam and Sam. The way our lives have intertwined. But I want to keep exploring and trusting and loving. So fucking bad. Not that I'm ready to admit that last bit yet. To him at least.

I twirl my necklace in my fingers. Over and over again as we pull up the driveway and park.

"Are you ready for hurricane Sam?" He smiles warmly at me. I grin at my gorgeous man.

"Bring her on," I reply, replacing my smile with a more determined focus. He rolls his eyes at me, still smiling. Of course.

"Maybe this was a bad idea. You too spending more fucking time together," he shakes his head.

"Too fucking late for that big boy," I leap out of the car and head inside only to be accosted as soon as I get inside the door.

Hands on hips, serious face on. "What colour are your bathers?" Sam demands.

"Purple of course," I can't help but glance over to Adam and watch closely as he drags a hand down his face, letting out a heavy breath. His favourite colour of course.

"I'm going to pack. Sam, don't touch those cases," he says over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two at a time.

Sam looks back towards her door where I saw her pink suitcases and although she slightly frowns, she can't hide the fact that she is positively beaming. She is so damn sweet and it makes me feel so appreciative that she would happily have me come on this break with them. But I need to do something very important first. I grab both her pudgy hands in mine, admiring her beautifully painted nails, and I look right into her deep brown eyes. The same ones as her brother. My cuts on my hands pull slightly and there is a sting but I ignore it. This is way more important.

"I'm so sorry that you're not feeling that great Sam. That things got out of hand and I didn't realise sooner," I say gently.

Sorry I ran. Sorry I ran and didn't wait for the truth. Sorry I drowned myself in my own anger and feelings of worthlessness. But I didn't say that to her. She didn't need my extra baggage. I only wanted to focus on this incredibly resilient woman whom I felt privileged to be spending my time with.

"Oh Katie-girl I'm peachy. Don't fret your pretty head," and she fucking pats me on the head.

I can't help but laugh at her adorable words. The way she can put my mind at rest, make me feel comfortable and at ease. I don't completely believe her of course but from what Adam has told me, the beach break is just what she needs. And it will give me a chance to get back into the water with my big hunk of a man. Wrap my legs around his sinful body. Grind myself against him. Scratch my nails through his wet, slicked hair. Whisper in his ear all the dirty things I want to do to him. Kiss those wet tasty lips. Lick the drips running slowly down his neck. Run my hands all over those mountainous shoulders. Let those giant fucking hands roam around my whole body. Wherever he likes.
Whenever he likes.
However he likes.

A phone somewhere chimes with an incoming message.

"That's Adam's phone. I bet it's one of the boys. My guess is...ummm... Rhett the Jet," she sing songs.

"Check it... I bet you umm... five dollars I'm right" she gestures for me to check his phone.

I'm not sure I should but she seems sure. I pick it up off the dining table, my thoughts drifting momentarily back to the scene of our delicious dinner party. I smile at that particularly memory and I shake my head and refocus on the phone. No phone lock so I open messages to the most recent and read the name.

Jodie.
Ok. No big deal. Right?
Do I scroll?
Do I really want to know?
Of course I do.

Bad.
Fucking.
Idea.

Her: Thanks for making my late nights so much better. Jodie x

Her: Having a few drinks with friends. You should come join us. We can pick up where we left off the other morning. Jodie x

Her: I've made your appointment for....

Her: Thanks for the coffee. We should start the morning off like that all the time. Jodie x

Her: I'm lucky you have such big hands. Jodie x

Her: Great to see you today. Looking forward to catching up again as you promised. Jodie x

Air isn't reaching my lungs.
The words.
There are pictures too. Skin. Cleavage. Lace.
I try and drag in a breath.
This doesn't make sense.
My heart starts pounding so hard it hurts my chest.
How much more can I take?
I need.
I need.
I need to go.
Right fucking now.