Best Life

Chapter 40

Katie

Three days it took until I felt remotely human again.

The vomiting finally stopped, the throbbing headache subsided, the bruising and cuts on my hands are slowly improving, but the pain in my heart feels worse than ever.

I was so fucking devastated to hear Adam say those words at the hospital. I thought our relationship was going to be okay, but the reality crashed in and I was just too much. For both of them. Just too many issues, too much history and anger.

I took away his focus on his gorgeous little sister and she paid for my selfishness in a frightening downward spiral of her health.

And that was my fault.

The most logical solution of course, was for them to get as far away from me as possible as quickly as possible.

So I made it easy for Adam and text him goodbye first. Sever the ties and run and run and run.

I found sollice in the bottom of a bottle of scotch but really it just made me feel fucking worse. They say to have a good hard long look at yourself in the mirror, so I did. And I didn't fucking like what I saw. Just a selfish angry worthless woman. No longer feeling like things can get better. That I can be better. That Adam can help me be better. That Sam can help me be better.

They are gone because I took and took and took. They are better off without my shit dragging them down anyway.

The phone rings and I roll over on the bed and check the caller ID.

Lizzy.

Checking in and checking up on me. She called work for me a few days ago so I have the week off to let my hands heal. As for my heart. It just fucking hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. The guilt is breaking me and I don't know what to do. Get fucking wasted again would help numb the pain. But my sister would just be kicking my arse like she has been relentlessly over the last three days. She took care of me and I feel grateful but I'm really unable to express myself to her. My emotions are just a crazy fucking mess.

"Hi Lizz," I say as I run my hands over my tired red swollen eyes.

"How you doing little sis?" Always the fucking sticky nose.

"Ok," I deadpanned. She knows I am far from okay.

"Ok, well, I'm just going to get straight to the fucking point Kathryn." Here we go. She never calls me that.

"It's time you got your head out of your arse girl. I'm telling you that you have to talk to Adam. You just really have to let him explain," she pleads with me.

I just don't really see the point. He doesn't want me. He doesn't want us. He's better off without me and my mess. Unfortunately my heart doesn't completely agree. Should I.... fuck I just don't know.

"Ok Lizz, if you think I should," I just agree because it's easier than fighting her on this.

She seems convinced that there's more to this than what I think. Whatever. My scattered brain can't really cope with this cluster fuck of confusion. I'm tired. So fucking tired. Tears well up in my eyes yet again and I draw in a long shaky breath.

"Good Katie. Just listen to him. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance baby girl. I'm here for you," she says with all the love she can send down the phone.

I shower, dress and try and eat something for breakfast. Coffee is brewing and I rewrap my hands in fresh bandages. Perhaps I can try and draw something today. No chance of holding a tattoo gun for a while but maybe I can brush up with a pencil at least.

My phone bings with an incoming text.
I can't look at it.
I can't not look at it.
It's from Adam.
Phew... I breath out heavily.

Adam: I have so much to explain. Please let me see you. This is not how I wanted this to go. Please Katie. Call me when you're ready. Please xxx

I reply back.

Me: There's really nothing left to say Adam.

My heart really hurts. Big, fat, pathetic tears roll down my cheeks. My eyes are red and swollen and the tears sting.

Adam: Please can I just come over?

What the fuck does he want from me?

Aaahhhh. A realisation.

Forever the gentleman. He wants to say it to my face. Be honest and straight with me. And although this is going to completely break me, I should probably give him this.

I broke this after all.

Me: Okay.