blood

guilty

i stay staring at my ceiling and start feeling the guilt come onto me like a hit of cold air,i realise i really shouldn't have said something like that,i decide to go see if he's okay,i guess i could stop my bitchiness for the rest of the night,i walk over to his room and knock the door and open it,i see him lying in his bed,staring at the ceiling just as i was,i see a tear roll down his cheek,i feel really bad now,i look at him guilty realising i really have hurt him.

"are you upset?" i ask "upset?of course i'm fucking upset y/n!i've treated you the best i could possibly could and you treat me like this?you are so different,before i would've never thought of you saying something like that to me!i thought we were eventually going to start being friends,we were starting to actually get along and you go and fuck it all up because your feeling bitchy and want to play games!" he scoffs.

i look at him feeling worse,it was true i was being an absolute dickhead but now i have a reputation to uphold.i need people to start fearing me and stop thinking i'm so easygoing because eventually voldemort will come back and i can't have him seeing that i'm so weak and easy.i need him to know i'm strong and not gonna be easy to beat.i need to protect my best friends,and my partner in crime harry,he's like my brother and i would die before standing back and watching him get hurt.

"draco i'm sorry,i didn't mean to say that it just slipped out" i take a deep breathe and start explaining "i've had to start becoming more like this because i can't have people thinking i'm weak,i can't let my guard down to anyone anymore because they could become collateral damage,if anything goes wrong on my part and someone is after me they'll realise i have no one that i couldn't live without and only come after me,which means no one will be harmed because of me,but the problem is harry is like my brother,i have to protect him,he's my only weakness which means i must protect him until the day i die.I've been on harsh on everyone for things that aren't their fault's because i'm angry i've had to change to protect the people i love,I'm just a child i shouldn't have to do this but i do,i'm so sorry for what i said i just said it out of anger,i really shouldn't have".

"y/n i don't need you explain why you've become an arrogant selfish bitch,i'm angry at you!you just tossed those words at me for what?so you can prove your point?i know i fucked you over before the summer and i apologised for it,there was no fucking need for you to toy with me like that and play around with me,i'm not one of your boy toys that you play games with!"

i start feeling the anger bubbling in my stomach so i start pacing back and forth trying not to be angry at him as it's my fault he's angry,i can't help but start arguing back "you shouldn't feel toyed with!i have a boyfriend and you have a girlfriend.you should've known i was playing my game with you!i wouldn't kiss you without a reason!i'm sorry i've made you upset,and i'm not fucking arrogant or selfish either! i'll admit i can be bitchy but there is no way i'm selfish!i've changed so much of who i was to protect you ALL!and i'm not arrogant either because if i was i would like to think i would know why the fuck you think you didn't hurt me when you embarrassed me infront of everyone,an apology wasn't going to be enough for that!i thought we were starting to get along then too but after my perspective changed of you,it's not just me that's changed it's you".

i realise i've stopped pacing and there's tears of anger falling down my face,i stand still staring at draco waiting for draco to say something but he seems speechless, i roll my eyes and walk out his room slamming the door shut,i feel the rage rising in my stomach as i storm back to my room.

i slam my door shut and start feeling like i'm going insane,i start pacing around my room trying to calm down but i just can't,i run into my bathroom and just instinctively punch my mirror,i drop to my knees sobbing with anger as i pick the glass shards out of my fist and trying to pick them up of the floor,i hear the door behind me open.

i stand up and turn around,draco stands their staring at me,he walks over to me trying to hug me,i hit his chest with my fists "stop!i don't need this!" i shout "y/n stop trying to fight me,just calm down,you can go back to hating me after this" i stop hitting his chest and give in,hugging him back "i'm so sorry draco,i really didn't mean it" "i know you didn't y/n,but you really did hurt my feelings" "i know i did,that's why i came to your room to apologise but i've gotten so used to being this way i've forgotten how to apologise properly" "just stop,don't worry about it okay?" i nod and let go of him,i say a spell fixing the mirror and walk over to my bed and lie down,facing the window,i feel draco sit on my bed next to me.

"so...what was the secret?" "it was to teach you a lesson,i was counting on you coming and you did,i teased you to get my revenge,you just fell into my trap,you really shouldn't be so naive draco,why didn't you suspect anything?" "well my mother told me you had changed a bit before we left to come here,she told me to not act weird about it,i agreed,i thought she meant you were just starting to become moody or something,but when i arrived it was completely different,i've never seen you leave the room when we arrive,i knew something was way off with you so that's why i came up to your room,you were a lot more...to yourself in a way,when i was in the library i just thought it was apart of the new you,il know for next time now,won't i?" i giggle and nod "i guess you will,i'll try being less bitchy but i can't make any promises,i really have to make sure this all goes to plan,i have a reputation to uphold"
"i get that,just please take care of yourself,also get ready for bed it's really late" i nod and grab pyjamas and go to the bathroom.

i come back and lie in my bed still facing the window,dracos still in my bed,i haven't told him to leave and he hasn't left either,i begin to shut my eyes but realise i'm freezing,dracos over the covers and i'm under,i shiver under the covers trying to keep as far away from draco as possible,i then fall asleep.

i wake up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare,i was in a a small sofa room,it was lit up green,i was staring at a picture of a castle,it was familiar,a snake slides up behind me and bites me,a voice starts whispering "hello y/n,i've been most excited to meet you,you know your worth my friend,your intelligent,your brave,your very strong physically and mentally and i cannot forget your power,you're truly one of a kind ,i cannot wait to meet you,sssweet girl".

i jump up a look around the room making sure i'm just dreaming which i was,i feel draco bounce up behind me and start rubbing my back "are you okay?" he asks "yeah,just a weird dream" i lie back down and face the window again in the same position as before,he went back to sleep so quickly,i stare at the window and i feel him turn around towards me getting closer,i didn't mind his presence as it made me feel safe,i'm not scared i'm just...suspicious as to why me,i fall asleep knowing exactly who was speaking to me in that dream.