Blackbird - ATEEZ Pirate!AU

A Promise Kept

Doomed,
Out of the gates.
From the first breath,
Running out always.
We are terminally ill.
Can you not tell?
We are unwell.

Sliding down the hill,
Falling from a great height,
Headed for the long night,
Clinging to the twilight.
Sliding down the hill,
Waiting for the deathblow,
Leaving only echoes,
Terrified to let go.

Worry not, it doesn't hurt.
Death is cruel to only those left living,
Shoveling the dirt.
So don't mourn, don't weep,
When I'm laid asleep.
Save all your good will,
For those left shoveling still,
Sliding down the hill.

We're given a gift, and a curse.
We're living, but terminal at birth.
A quick thrill, then we're sliding down the hill.

"Sliding Down The Hill" - Francis Doom

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I guess this is it, huh? This is how I go out... I really thought my death would be different. Then again, I didn't exactly plan on dying today... or any day in the foreseeable future.

As much as I'd tried to avoid it, as hard as I tried to power through the persistent urge to inhale, it was simply an impossible task. With a fitful gasp, I felt my lungs inflate and an influx of oceanwater triggered an unyielding agony within my chest, as the ocean set fire to my lungs. 

At least I got to see the stars before I died... the constellations looked so pretty up on the deck. And the full moon cast such a lovely glow on Yunho's face. I'm glad I got to talk to him before I died... It's good to know he didn't hate me after all...

It's funny how calm you can become when you know you're about to die, and how time has a way of slowing down to stretch out into unnaturally long ribbons, that wrap around you like a blanket. 

It's almost like your mind takes you somewhere outside of your body, away from the pain and panic and fear of your own mortality. If you're lucky, as though offering one final act of mercy, your mind will shield you from everything uncomfortable, and leave you with a fuzzy feeling of peace in your impermanence.

Where will I end up when my heart inevitably stops? Will I reincarnate again? Will I find them in another life, like I somehow did this one? Or, will I wind up in heaven? Will I reopen my eyes in the fabled halls of Utopia, and spend the rest of my days waiting for them there? I'm not even sure if I'm a good person... Would they even let me through the pearly gates...?

Though my body immediately tried rejecting the salty sea brine, causing me alternate between coughing and still attempting to breathe, my mind was oddly tranquil. As though my brain had split into two separate dichotomies, each with vastly different priorities. My body's priority was survival, however unlikely it may have been. My mind's priority was to ponder, as though instead of drowning I was trying to decide what was best had for breakfast on a lazy Sunday afternoon. 

I wish I could have seen the rest of them before ending up here... I had so much left I wanted to say. So much I wanted to do... I wanted to dance with Wooyoung again, and learn how to heal with Yeosang. I wanted to thank San for my rose, and apologize to Seonghwa for making him uncomfortable. 

I wanted to tell Jongho how lovely I thought his singing sounded, and scream at something with Mingi. I wanted to tell Hongjoong how thankful I am for him... I want to at least be... able to say goodbye... but... I'm so... tired...

When drowning, just after the tranquility swaddles you in it's watery blanket, you'll feel a wave of weariness wash over you. It will no longer matter to you what's happening around you at all, you'll simply feel heavy. Eventually, you will be overcome with the urge to fall asleep. Unfortunately, this slumber is sure to be your last.