Uncapable

A CHOICE

Is it wrong to wish for your parent's love and attentinon? If yes.

I'm a sinner.

I didn't know the pain everytime they make me feel less would turn into a hatred. I never wanted to hate my parents. Never did I think of hating them despite how painful it is that I need to ask for their love when it should be given.

Dumaan ang mga taon at lumaki ako nang hindi nararamdaman ang pag-aaruga ng isang ina, pagprotrekta ng isang ama at ang pagmamahal nilang dalawa. Ni wala nga kaming family picture.

Every family days sinasama ko nalang si Ate Cena kasi hindi naman sila pupunta. Even if I begged to, ipapalabas lang nila iyon sa kabilang tenga nila.

As time passes by na ganoon lang ang nangyayari, nasanay ako.

I didn't even think I had parents all along. They're totally ouf of my reach. Kahit umuuwi sila ng bahay ramdam ko na ang layo nila sakin. It makes me wonder though, is their work matter the most over me or they just don't like me?

Hindi ko naman na alam kung anong iisipin ko patungkol doon, so I shrugged my thoughts, dissmissed possible reason and go on.

I am currently sitted on the dining table with my parents. I was shock that they called me and told me that we will have a family meeting. Tatlo lang kami, I am an only child and a family meeting never happened ever as before kaya naman sobra ang gulat ko na nagtahip ang kaba ng aking puso.

May problema kaya?

"Aurora Celestia" Tawag ni Mommy sa akin sa isang seryosong tono.

I never had any memory of my mother being gentle to me, though she's civil, parang katrabaho lang ganon. Funny yes, because it supposed to be "mother-daughter" but ended the other way around.

"Po?" I asked in my usual polite and inoccent tone.

"Are you seeing the son of Dela Cuesta's?" Mommy inquired as if it's something she's worried and curios about. Kinabahan naman ako. The only Dela Cuesta I know is Ryuji, and its not like I'm seeing him. We don't even have a thing, siguro...

"No, Mom" Diretso kong sabi. There's no reason for me to sttuter.

Mommy looked a bit hesitant about my answer. She looks like she want to ask more. Si Daddy ay tahimik lang na nakamatyag sa amin. He doesn't really talk often though.

"Why not?" I was taken aback when Daddy spoked. My head tilted towards his direction, he was casually sipping on his coffee, eyes on the newspaper like he didn't said something, like he didn't shock me with his sudden interference.

"We're friends." Sabi ko nalang. I am hardly trying to keep my calm. Kahit naman na hindi ko nararamdaman ang pagmamahal nila I still wanted to respect them. I love them even though I don't know if they do the same.

"You can date him. It will help our business, Aurora. Might as well give us a reason for your living?" My heart sank by the words my mother spit. That's a big punch on my face.

How do they see me? A colateral? An instrument to use for their own benefit? What is my purpose really?

I'm starting to question everything after that "meeting" we had. I didn't know they could hurt me further with their words.

Pumasok ako sa school na matamlay. Nakita ko si Ari, she looks a bit fine now. I'm happy about that. As I don't want her to worry about me I showed her my brightest smile indicating that I'm proud that she's coping for whatever she's going through right now. She's strong, indeed.

"AC!" Ari rushed to me and hugged me immediately, in her embrace I feel peace.

Sa dagat ng problema kung saan nalulunod kana palaging mayroong isang tao na kaya kang bigyan ng pag-asa. As for me, Ari is here amidst my questioning of my worth to my parents. I couldn't hate the world fully, it still give me the best among best of friend.