Uncapable

DON'T

"Pagod nako!" Sabi ko na hinihingal.

Ryuji laughed at me. "Come on, love. You asked for this, tara na!" He urged.

We are now climbing a mountain. Ang nasa listahan kasi namin ay hiking sa bundok kaya, heto umaakyat na kami. At kung sino pa itong nagrequest, sya pang mabilis na napagod. Sino pa ba? Edi ako!

We we're just walking up for a couple of minutes but it already feels like an hour! Ganito na ba kahina ang immume system ko? Grabe!

"Get up now, princess! We need to see the sunset," he urged me again.

Nakasalampak kasi ako sa lupa dahil talagang napagod agad ako.

We planned to catch the sunet from the top of the mountain, then stay there for a night to see the sunrise.

It was a wholesome plan, pero grabeng prosseso pala ito! Nakakapagod!

Sana pala natulog nalang ako!

"Can we rest for five minutes, please?" Pakiusap ko pa.

"Three minutes. Baby, we need to catch the sunset," sabi nya na nahihirapan. Nagdadalawang isip sya kung pagbibigyan ba ako o pipilitin na magpatuloy.

"Three minutes, then," simangot ko.

Umupo sya sa tabi ko at kinuha ang bimpo sa bag na dala nya. He sat down infront of me then started to wipe my sweat. Para akong batang inaalagaan ng tatay.

"Next time, you rest the day before we hike. Para hindi ka gaanong pagod," he said, calmly.

Next time. The way he said that, it was like he really assume that there will be a next time. But in my part, I will leave. Nakakainis.

Kahapon ay hindi ako masyadong nakatulog dahil bumagabag sa akin ang sinabi nya sa akin noong nasa beach kami isang linggo na ang nakalipas. Umiyak ako magdamag.

I wish I could just stay here with him.

Sana pwede nalang na dito ako, at kasama ko sya.

But fate wasn't in our side. At mahirap kalabanin ang tadhana.

Titig na titig ako sa kanya habang pinupunasan nya ang pawis ko sa mukha. Ang gwapo nya. Ang panga nya sobrang ganda ng pagkakahubog. Iyong mga matang kulay kayumanggi, kumikislap sa sikat ng araw. At ang labi nya... Namumula...

Sa hindi mawaring dahilan gusto ko syang halikan.

I pecked his lips that made him stilled. Ngumiti ako at mabilis na tumayo para takasan ang namamangha nyang mata.

"Tara na! Kailangan na natin magmadali! Iyong sunset,"  sabi ko pa.

Papatiuna na sana akong maglakad nang hinarap nya ako sa kanya. He was fast to grab me and make me face his broad chest. Kinabahan ako. Nasa bahagi pa naman kami ng bundok na sa isang galaw lang mahuhulog na kami.

"Aji... Iyong sunset," nauutal pa ako.

Inangat nya ang mukha ko at mabilis akong ginawaran ng malalim at mapunuksong halik. He bite my lowerlip and kissed me passionately. I felt him smiled.

"Oo, ang sunset," maloko nyang sabi bago naunang maglakad.

Napabuga ako ng malalim na hininga. He has his tricks on making me feel this fucking hot! Hindi mo iisiping konserbatibo ang lalaking ganon!

Sumunod na ako sakanya para mabilis na kaming makarating sa tuktok at masaksihan ang sunset roon. I also really wanted to lie down, already. Pagod na.

Couple of minutes passed, approximately thirty minutes and we arrived at our destination. Saktong papalubog pa lang ang araw.

Ryuji immediately set up our tent and placed a mat where I was standing, urging me to sit down. He knows I was so tired.

"This is an achievement!" I exhaled, and sat.

"Yeah, so much of achievement. Halatang pinagpaguran, " sabi nya naman.

I took out my phone and take pictures of the scenery. I posistioned the camera on selfie when Ryuji sat beside me and kiss me on the cheeks. I was taken aback.

Kahit naman naghalikan na kami, naroon parin talaga ang kaba ko sa tuwing magkalapit kami. I don't know, my heart really goes eratic when it comes to his touches. Sya lang ang may ganitong epekto sa akin.

"Take a picture of us," he said and positioned himself beside me.

"O-okay," utal ko pa.

We took alot of pictures of ourselves before it's time to watch the sunset.

The sun was already settling down. The sky is changing its colors into different hues of pink and orange. It was a moment of peace watching the scenery.

"Sunset represents an ending, but it's beautiful," I said.

"Because, endings can be beautiful too," Ryuji said.

I hope our ending would be like the sunset. Although I know it would hurt so much for the both of us, specially to him, I pray that it would lead us to more better and beautiful paths.

Hindi naman sa pagtatapos namin matatapos ang lahat. We can always start anew, or continue what we both already had, but in separate ways, already.

It would hurt, probably. But, love supposed to be freeing and forgivng.

"Aji, kapag naghiwalay ba tayo, maghahanap kana ng iba?" I asked, facing the sunset.

"Hindi tayo maghihiwalay," diretso nyang sabi.

"Pero, hindi naman natin alam ang mangyayari sa mga susunod na bukas, e," sagot ko.

It was true. One of the most scary things is when you came accross the thought of what tomorrow holds. Hindi mo alam kung anong mangyayari kinabukasan. But we can work on what we want to happen in our tomorrows, right?

"But I will hold you tight. Hindi kita iiwan," sabi nya na naka-pagpatigil sa akin.

He will not leave me, of course, I'll be the one to leave him.

Masakit. Sobrang sakit. I wanted to just stay, pero paano? I can't even fight for myself. I can't stomach staying in the house of a stranger. I don't even know where I would go after a month.

My life is a mess I am eager to fix. Gusto kong ayusin ang sarili ko at ang buhay ko. Gusto kong makilala kung sino ba talaga ako. Gusto kong pagluksaan ang pagkamatay ng Nanay ko.

I had the long list of fixing. And its sad that I had to remove people to fix this mess life of mine.

I had to let him go.

"If ever we don't end up together, I hope we'll see each other in the future. Let's not trust promises, Aji. You know how much lie it is," I said.

"Promises is not a lie when it's with you, and we will end up together," he said, voice hint with finality.

"Desisyon ka naman," biro ko.

"I will not let you leave me. Please remember that," his eyes are hoping.

How I wish I didn't need to leave.

"We don't know what our tomorrow holds. Don't trust me in that," I said, diverting my sight back to the scenery. It was almost dark.

"But I can hold onto your words, will you leave me?" He asked.

My heart clenched in pain.

"Leaving you is one of the hardest things to commit, I don't even know if know I can do so," I said with a hint of pain in my voice.

If only if I can just stay, I will.

"Then, I'm holding onto that. You will not leave me," he said.

"But I don't hold tomorrow, " bawi ko.

Natigilan sya.

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:)