(Don't) say you love me - yeonbin

25.

"There's something wrong with you and I want to know what it is before we leave this room." Beomgyu stated seriously, looking at me carefully. Sunday didn't start well for me, I didn't get enough sleep due to frequent waking up at night, and the conversation with Soobin involuntarily crept into my head at the most inopportune moments, which was terribly irritating.

"I had a fight with Soobin and I honestly don't know if I want to continue this with him." I admitted quietly, sighing heavily. Gyu opened his eyes wide, stopped what he was doing and immediately came closer, sitting right next to me on the bed.

"It must have been rough if you're thinking about backing out. Would you like to tell me about it?" The man grabbed my hand and I bit my lip, considering my options. I didn't want to burden him with my problems, but at the same time I knew that he understood me like no one else and always knew what was best for me.

"As you well know, to spite Soobin, I went to a party with Felix yesterday. He didn't like it, made a scene and then said that whether I agreed to it or not, I was his and that no one would love me like him. As if that wasn't enough, he said that he always dreamed of a chance to get closer to me and that he would like me to start taking our "relationship" seriously. He didn't have time to add anything else because that damn Yunjin stuck to his side." I rolled my eyes and Gyu's eyes widened.

"So... What? In other's words, he confessed his love to you?" I shook my head, letting out a strangled groan of dissatisfaction.

"Don't say that, please. I don't even want to think about the possibility of him seriously feeling something for me."

"And how have you interpreted his jealousy, kisses and yesterday's confession?" Beomgyu raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. The man sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair. "I love you, Yeonjun, but sometimes you're such an idiot that I just feel sorry for you."

"Okay, so be the smart one between the two of us and tell me what you think about all this?" I asked irritably, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I think that Soobin actually liked you from the first time you met, and his crush turned into something more over time, but he didn't have the courage to tell you. Especially when you stopped talking to him because of the whole missing phone situation. So now that he's finally in a relationship with you, he doesn't want to let you go, and he hopes that with each kiss you two get closer to becoming real couple, without that little detail of pretending."

"Wait…" I raised my hand, frowning. "It's too detailed for you to figure it out on your own. Did Soobin or Taehyun tell you that?"

"Taehyun, and him Soobin. You know that these lovebirds talk to each other about literally everything."

"So we don't really know if it's true, right? Taehyun might as well have misheard something. Maybe Soobin meant Yunjin? Our names are similar, so he could have gotten it wrong even when writing."

"And how many people do you think Soobin is pretending to be a couple with, hmm? Stop looking for illogical solutions and accept that Soobin lo..."

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" I gave him the most menacing look I could muster, and he obediently fell silent.

"Why does the thought of someone falling in love with you scare you so much?"

"Now we're not talking about some random person or even you, my best friend, but Soobin! I've hated him for over a year, and now suddenly I have to forget about everything and move on with my life, happily holding hands with him?"

"Sit down sometime and ask yourself honestly, was it really hate? Or maybe you just told yourself it was because you loved him too and it was easier than admitting that he broke your heart by stealing your phone?"

"I can't feel anything for him, Gyu. I just can't..." Because of all these conflicting feelings, tears welled in my eyes.

"Jun, honey..." My friend grabbed my hands and squeezed. "I know you're afraid of love, but have you ever thought that maybe it's not as scary as it seems? Not every relationship ends in with break up and suffering..."

"How can I be sure that what I feel is actually love? I've liked Soobin ever since I saw him, he's my visual ideal, but I've only recently started looking at him differently as a potential boyfriend. What if I get bored of him? I don't want to hurt him, even though he probably deserves it."

"Just don't promise him anything. You don't have to confess your great love for each other or actually become a real couple. Just give him a chance and try to get to know each other better, maybe go on a date? Baby steps, honey."

"Thank you, Gyu. You always know how to calm me down. I love you, you know that, right?" I looked into his eyes and this time it was me who squeezed his hands, smiling slightly. Beomgyu looked at my entire face and finally lifted the corners of his mouth.

"I love you too, Jun. Now get your ass together, we're going!"

"Where?" I frowned.

"To the party! Jay wrote that he was having a house party."

"Don't you think we have enough parties? There's always something bad happening there. Plus, there's school tomorrow..."

"Don't spoil the fun!" Gyu punched my shoulder as he stood up. "There won't be many people there and we'll be back soon. Please do this for me. I heard Taehyun will be there, and he's been avoiding me for a while and I don't know what I did. I hope he gets drunk and eventually explains everything to me." The man pursed his lip and I felt sorry for him. I sighed heavily, standing up as well.

"Okay, let's go!" I announced with fake enthusiasm. Choi laughed cheerfully, grabbed my hand and pulled me, and I felt inside that another drama was about to happen that I was absolutely not prepared for.