Letters Not Sent, Voices Not Heard {A One Direction Fan Fiction}

Chapter 21 ~ The Girl's Changing Mind

April 2013

“And then oh my God are you ready? He KISSED ME!”

I heard screaming from the living room as Delilah entertained her friends by retelling the story of her first date with some guy she’d met. I knew the whole story and it’d taken her 2 hours to get through what little she had.

I groaned and slipped on my TOMs and put a jacket on before going out the fire escape connected to the kitchen. I shivered in the cool night air as I sat on the stairs leading up. Car horns blared into the night and lights lit up the dark sky.

I did love New York. It was a beautiful city, full of life, full of people.

And yet I never felt so alone.

I missed Niall something awful. If nothing had happened between us and our friendship was still intact, this would be the part where I called him and talked about my day and what he was doing and he would have told me all about Greg’s wedding.

Mum had sent pictures from it. Denise looked gorgeous and I tried to focus on finding all my childhood friends as opposed to Niall standing next to Greg as his best man. I heard fans had camped out during the wedding and I thought that was really messed up. This was a family thing. But Greg and Denise didn’t seem to care according to mum. She said Niall had gone out for a bit to take pictures and sign autographs but no one really seemed to mind.

I brought my knees up to my chest and took a deep breath of the cool night air as my black hair whipped around my face. Everything had changed. Everything was different. Nothing was as I had expected.

I hadn’t expected that I would lose my best friend. I hadn’t expected I would be thrown into the world to fend for myself. I thought Niall was going to be with me, helping me, there for me whenever I needed him.

I hadn’t expected that my best friend would fall for me. I’m not the kind of girl people fall for. I’m not the prettiest girl, I’m not the quiet girl. I’m loud, I’m weird. I didn’t even appeal to myself sometimes, much less a guy.

I had thought I was getting into a job that was going to help me achieve my dream. I thought I was going to become successful. I thought my dreams of traveling the world, using fashion everyday was going to come true. Now, I was stuck walking to Starbucks at least three times a day.

“Bailey.”

I jumped and looked through the window where Delilah was standing with a mug. “I brought you some tea,” she said. “You looked kind of cold.”

“Oh,” I said taking it from her. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she twanged.

Delilah was a country girl. She was born and raised in Georgia and she had the accent to prove it. That was why she loved her country music so much.

I sipped the hot tea, pulling my jacket tighter around me. I wanted Niall with me so much right now.

Before he went to the X Factor, we had spent all of our nights together. We sat on my roof talking, listening to music, and just hanging out together. It always got cold. I would always start to shiver and that’s when he would just hug me to him. We had that kind of closeness, where we would act like a couple, but the feeling of a couple wasn’t there.

Obviously, that had changed.

I wondered if he still loved me. Did he still have the same feelings he’d told me about four months ago? Was he still sure that he loved me?

I sighed and took another sip of my tea. Life was so messed up. You think you have everything figured out. You think you know what life’s about. You have your future planned. You see yourself working at your dream job, you’re dating your dream guy, you’re finally getting married at the wedding of your dreams, you have a family. But then you have to face the reality that life isn’t that simple. Life isn’t about planning, life is about taking everything as it comes flying at you, full speed ahead. Life can’t be planned. Life can’t be shaped to what you want or how you’re feeling. Life has to shape you. Life has to turn you into who you’re truly meant to be.