Letters Not Sent, Voices Not Heard {A One Direction Fan Fiction}

Chapter 27 ~ Little Miss 20

July 2013

Bailey’s P.O.V.

My birthday was coming up, my 20th. I wasn’t going to be a teenager anymore. I was going to be a legitimate adult. But I wasn’t excited. I couldn’t be.

Niall had been with me every birthday I had, either at my party, or when he wasn’t home, we would Skype and he’d send me a present in the mail. This year…I didn’t have him.

I wasn’t excited. I wasn’t happy. I was in the same state of depression and homesickness as I was when I first came. I missed Niall more and more every day and even Marley wasn’t taking away some of my depression like she used to.

I still loved the little pup, don’t get me wrong, but I wanted to be with Niall on my birthday. My twentieth. I was hoping he’d at least Tweet me, but I wasn’t sure if I’d even get that courtesy.

No one at work knew or cared that it was my birthday and I didn’t even care. Nothing was different today. My mom had called in the morning to wish me happy birthday and Liam had texted me wishing me the same, but the rest of the day had passed by uneventfully.

Until that night.

“You’re kidding me right?” I told Delilah.

“Nope. I don’t care what you say, you’re getting out of those sweats, changing into something nice and we’re doing your hair and makeup. Bailey, we’re going to take you to your first night out in New York City. I think it’s long overdue,” she said.

And before I knew what was happening, I was dressed in a skirt that I had pulled up so it was high-waisted and my lace white tank top was tucked in. Delilah had curled my hair at the bottom and added a multi-colored headband. One of her friends, Lisa, had finished my makeup.

“Alright c’mon!” Delilah said grabbing my hand as I grabbed my purse and she pulled me out the door.

I can tell you that we got down to the street and made our way to a club, but after that, everything gets…fuzzy. The details I collected the next morning from Delilah, who had gotten them from Lisa, the only one who had remembered the whole night.

Basically, we all had…more than a few drinks. I remembered taking at least three shots and having a glass of vodka, but after that, the night is dark. According to Lisa, after my shots, two glasses of vodka, and a martini, I was wasted on the dance floor. Then, the unthinkable happens.

I walked up to a random blonde guy and began grinding on him. He made no protest, pulling me closer by my hips. Lisa said we disappeared for at least 10 minutes and when we came back, I was a giggly mess and I parked myself at the bar for the remainder of the night, drinking until I had to stumble outside in my heels to puke in the bushes.

I had been drunkest out of the three of us. I remembered flashes of things, like all the drinks I’d had, I remembered the guy’s hot breath on my ear and neck as I danced on him and he told me that I was sexy. I remembered flashes of what had happened when we had “disappeared” like the fact that his breath smelled like whiskey and tequila. I remembered his hands exploring my body. I remembered calling him Niall.

That was why when we composed ourselves, he’s deserted me without another word. If he’d told me his name, I didn’t remember. But I knew I remembered calling him Niall.

I could vaguely see his face in front of mine as he disconnected his lips from my collarbone, looking at me in surprise as Niall’s name escaped as a moan from my lips. If he was planning on leaving right then, I hadn’t let him because the second I saw his face hovering over mine, I’d tangled my fingers in his hair and trailed kisses down his neck.

The rest is history. I have no idea how I got home, in pajamas, and in bed. I have no idea who I was with in the club. I have no idea why Niall’s name came out during the steaminess that had occurred in a back room. I have no idea how I managed to get up and go to work without anyone noticing the dark bags under my eyes, the number of times I yawned of exhaustion, and the hickies on my neck and collarbones.

The one I was most concerned about was the fact that during the rushed passion that night, I had let Niall’s name escape my lips. That made me uncomfortable to the maximum. Niall was my best friend. Niall wasn’t the one I was going to ever do something like that with. Niall was just the one who had admitted he loved me and now we never talked.

Well that sure sounded positive.

Was it possible I had the same kind of feelings for him as he did for me? I didn’t think it was. I had never felt something like that for him. Then again, neither had he until I went to see him over a year ago. But I didn’t think it was possible I was going to fall for him the way he had for me. There was no way that was happening.

Ever since my birthday when Delilah had taken me out, she didn’t annoy me as much. We weren’t “friends,” I didn’t think I’d ever consider her as such. We just didn’t click, but I didn’t mind her when she spoke in her twangy country accent anymore. I didn’t mind that she was nosey about my life, asking me about work, Marley, my family, things like that. She was curious and I still remained vague and she got the hint that I didn’t want to talk.

Not having Niall was killing me. I felt myself growing emptier each day as his absence grew stronger. I lived in a constant state of wondering what he was up to, what he was doing, whether or not he still loved me. It was so hard.

Things were changing daily. Mariann had gotten promoted so I had a new boss. Yet, I was still in the same position. Seven months later and everything was the same at work. I considered quitting, but I had to pay the bills. I couldn’t just quit.

I was sitting at work this afternoon, eating lunch and thoughts of Niall were circling around my brain. After that night, he’d been on my mind even more. And my confusion on where I stood with him was heightened even more.

Maybe I just needed to get my thoughts out…

Niall,

I'm such a stupid girl. I need to stop being so scared to send these letters. So I'm sending them all as soon as this one is finished.

I've been waiting for a letter, a DM, even a call no matter how much I don't want one from you. Not hearing from you for this long, not a word as to what's going through your head about me is killing me. I'm so scared you hate me. I know I said I hated you in my first letters, but I could never mean that Nialler. You're like the brother I never had, you helped me through times when I was so down and out I didn't know what to do, I could never hate you. Ever.

I didn't realize it was going to be this hard to not see or hear from you. I thought I could manage, I had before. But with everything happening here, I need someone to talk to. You're the one I need to talk to Niall.

So many things are happening…so many things I’m dying to tell you. And if I could just hurry up and send these stupid letters, you would know.

I keep staring at your name in my phone, keep staring at your name on these letters, I keep hearing your music everywhere and it’s just reminding me of all the good times. All our laughs, all our fights that we eventually got over, everything.

I just feel like something is missing.

It’s been missing since you left.

Please, come back.

xoxo,

Bailey

I swallowed back tears as I sealed the envelope and wrote out Niall’s name and address. I was beginning to wonder how long it was going to be before I cracked and just flew to find him. I was going crazy.

I was crazy.

A/N: I know this was short but I haven't updated here for a while since I was focusing on finished DWM. Yes, DWM is done, and I'm working on another continuation of the series called Everlasting and chapter 1 is already up so go check it out!

external link is Bailey's outfit 

if you're reading this, you're beautiful