Letters Not Sent, Voices Not Heard {A One Direction Fan Fiction}

Chapter 31 ~ The Girl Is Doubtful

September 2013

Bailey’s P.O.V.

The leaves were beginning to change color as summer gave way into autumn. Autumn had always been my favorite season. I much preferred to be chilly rather than warm. Autumn was just such a nice time of year and it was a season of beauty.

However, this was also the month Niall turned 20.

The thought of Niall having his birthday without me there almost made me sick. I still wasn’t sure how I had survived my own birthday without him calling or being there.

Niall was turning 20 in a week. I didn’t know what to do. Should I call him or text him or something? Well, he hadn’t done anything for me. But should he have? I broke his heart.

I didn’t know what to do anymore. Every decision I had to make took me back to Niall. I guess that was what happened when you’re in love with someone.

That realization was still a little shocking to me. How had it taken me so long to figure out that Niall was the one I had been searching for the whole time? Why hadn’t I realized from the first break-up that Niall was everything I wanted in a guy?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and went back to sorting pictures for the magazine. No, I still wasn’t in photography. It was busy work for me that really wasn’t necessary. I was getting more frustrated every day since I knew I couldn’t apply for transfer yet.

They were still occupying me with work that they could do but just wanted to keep me busy so they could actually have something to pay me for. I was doing meaningless paperwork and running out five times a day to get coffee or lunch. I was going crazy.

As I separated the pictures into different categories for the magazine, my thought strayed to Niall. I had been thinking about Niall even more so after I’d realized that I loved him as more than my best friend or my brother. Did Niall still feel the same way about me? Did Niall still love me? How was Niall feeling right now? What was Niall doing now? Did Niall ever talk about me to the boys?

Did Niall even care about me anymore?

That question scared me most of all out of all of them. What if Niall was so hurt and upset that he didn’t want to associate with me at all? What if he had moved on and I was just a short-lived memory?

I felt my pulse begin to quicken. Was I really this scared of losing him?

I ran into my boss’ office and immediately told her I wasn’t feeling well and needed to go home.

“Oh OK Bailey,” she said cautiously. “Feel better OK?”

I nodded and snatched my work and bag up and quickly walked out of the office building. As soon as I got home I dialed Liam’s number. I couldn’t face Niall himself, but I could ask about him.

The call went to voicemail and I hung up without leaving a message. I sat on my bed and tried to calm down, but my breathing was coming rapidly and my hands were beginning to shake. I began to cry, all because I was scared Niall was going to live happily without me.

Marley hopped onto my bed and nosed her way to my lap. I took her in my hands and held her to my chest as I cried. I was so scared now. I was scared that I was going to be carrying the guilt of breaking his heart for my whole life while he was out living his life not caring anymore. I was scared he had just forgotten about me and all the good time we had because it had been nine months since we’d spoken last. I was scared he didn’t love me anymore.

I cried myself to sleep and my dreams were filled with terror as I looked for Niall and people like my mother and his friends kept popping up and telling me he hated me, that he’d moved on, that it was hopeless.