Love is for the Lucky Ones

Chapter 35

{Mae's POV}

Cain kisses me hard. I don't want this. He feels my pity and I hate it. I push away and he just kisses me harder.

His lips were cold and soft but full of regret and sorrow. I tried not to kiss him back but it was no use. His urges were too strong. So I did the only thing I thought logical at the time.

I pick my knee up and knee him a place no one wants to be kneed especially not naked.

He doubled over in pain yelping out. "What was that for?!" He cries.

Tears stream down my face when I look at him. "I don't want this. I don't want your pity, I don't want your help. This isn't high school anymore. We aren't the same as the same high school sweethearts we used to be. Grow up. If you want me to want you like you want me then grow up and act like it."

He looks up at my face and I look back at him. He looks sad which makes me cry harder. He's still doubled over.

He walks, well attempts to, towards me. I back up into the wall. He ignores that and gets closer. I sink into the wall scared, every inch of my body shaking.

"You're scared of me. I'm a monster and you just want to be left alone. When the summer is over I'm quitting school so I wont have to go to the same school as you all. I know you are already quitting but so am I'm Sorry Mae. This is it. We are over."

Shaking I put on the rest of my swim suit, so does Cain.

"Everyone has f-fights. This w-will just m-make us s-stronger as a couple. Every family has f-fights. E-even mine d-did." I say to him. I wipe the tears falling down my face with the back of my hand but nothing stops them from streaming down my face.

"Oh yeah! Look at how your family turned out, MAE! They gave you away because your sister lied to you and your family and told them you were a lesbian! Your uncle flipping raped and sexually abused you!"

"Oh did I forget to mention the very first person I ever loved broke up with me because I was too much to handle! Oh heaven forbid I try to kill myself and all he wants to do is keep a happy relationship! Because love is fake! It's the most fake thing in this whole fake world!" I yell at Cain becoming angry.

"Well he's an asshole for ever loving you!"

"Yeah, you are." I say calmer. Cain's expression drops.

"I'm-I'm sorry I didn't---"

"Yeah you don't know everything asshole." I say standing up.

"Maybe I don't---" He starts but I cut him off.

"No you don't."

"Just let me finish Mae!"

I nod silently.

"I may not know everything, but I know when enough is enough. And I know you need to stop trying kill yourself and put yourself down! You attention whore!" Cain gasps right as he says it. "Mae.."

"No no thats fine. I completely understand. Your the perfect boyfriend with perfect parents and a perfect life. So maybe I am an attention whore!" I say as Cain reaches his hand to put it on my shoulder. I slap it away. I walk into the bathroom and show him the razor. "I've been cutting since seventh grade. I was too young to know any different so I must have had a pretty fucked-up life." I point and show him the scars on my wrist, stomach and thighs. "This razor," I state gesturing towards the razor, "has made cuts. These are, to you, the scars of an attention whore."

"Mae.. Stop."

"No! I'm done with you telling me what to do." I touch the razor to my skin and pull it across. I cut myself right in front if him.

"This is for you are you happy! This isn't me being weak or an attention whore this is me being broken!"

There was a small knock at the door but we both ignore it.

"Why don't you try it, huh?!" I say holding out the razor to him.

"Ha, as if you think this will hurt." He snatches the razor and slides it across his finger. "Shit.." He mumbles under his breath.

"So now do you think I would do this for attention!?"

"Mae! Stop cutting yourself! Stop hurting yourself. This is what I can't handle I can't handle you being a stupid piece of shit all the time. I love you but I can't handle you. I don't want to." Cain says. I can almost hear my heart snap.

Tears come out of my eyes. I open the door out of the bedroom and walk into the kitchen. I slam the door behind me. Cain comes in after me. I pick up the sharpest knife ignoring the stares from around me from my friends.

"Mae..." Tami starts slowly walking towards me.

"Put down the knife Mae." Gina says more sternly.

"Mae!" Cain says.

"What!? Is this what you wanted. Nothing else seems to have worked for you! Nobody else seems to have cared! Maybe once and for all I can die and you'll be happy 'cause you wont have to deal with some suicidal depressed chick! HOW'S THAT FOR YOU!" I cry slamming the knife down on the counter top. Brody comes from behind me and pulls my hands together behind my back.

Cain tries to come near me so I struggle out of Brody's hands towards him. Sadly he has a death grip on me. He pulls me to the couch where I sit with him and Tami. Gina is in the other room talking to Cain.

"So what really happened in there?" Brody asks putting his hand around my shoulder. I lean my head into his chest.

"Its okay Mae, you don't have to speak to us." Tami says.

"Tami," I say patting the couch cushion next to me for her to sit on, and she does, "he said that I was weak and that I was an attention whore. And you know better than anyone I don't do this for attention."

"I do know. Because you told me everything when we were younger. But we aren't that young anymore. Sometime you are going to have to stop." Tami says trying to reassure me.

I turn and look at Brody and he smiles. "Mae, Cain may be my best friend but so are you. I'm sorry I kissed you."

"No it's fine actually. I liked it."

Tami giggles and I smile a small smile, realizing my face is probably as red as a tomato. We all three sit in silence for a good while, with my head rested against Brody's chest listening to his heartbeat.

Then after what seemed like forever I lifted my head up and kissed Brody lightly. I whisper, "I'm sorry."