The Savior

26. Victoria and Wake Up

Remus was sitting in the chair next to Victoria's bed as she laid their unconscious. He was angry for not being able to hold himself together long enough to get her here. Yet again he felt like he was failing her. He was angry that he hadn't pushed to help her more and sat on the sidelines. 

Madam Pomfrey tried to get him to leave the first night, but he refused. He had been spending every night in the hospital wing with Victoria and he wasn't leaving until she did too. Everyone had been coming to visit sometimes in groups but mostly one at a time since Poppy didn't allow so many visitors in at once. The table at the end of the bed looked like Christmas, covered in presents, baskets, and sweets. They weren't just from the group but even other students, professors, and a particularly large one from the daily prophet. Sirius and her father probably had something to do with that he thought.

"Poppy said you'll wake up soon, but I won't lie. I'm terrified V. I'm scared you won't wake up and I'll lose you." Remus sniffled as he held her hand before bringing it to his face pressing the back of her hand to his cheek. "James needs you V. Heck, I think even Sirius needs you." He let out an airy chuckle as tears fell down his cheeks. 

He kissed the back of her hand before placing it back down on the bed as he tried to wipe his face dry. It was no use though; he couldn't stop the tears that kept falling. He froze when he heard shuffling. He looked up to find Victoria with a painful expression. She shifted again before her blue eyes fluttered open before quickly closing again with a groan. Remus took the hint to close the curtain around her. After doing so she opened her eyes again looking at an exhausted Remus. 

"Water please." She said in a hoarse whisper. Remus scrambled to give her water holding it to her mouth for her though he probably wasn't much help with his shaking.

 "Thank you." She whispered with a tight smile. Remus couldn't help the choked cry that left him. 

"You can't do that again V" Victoria opened her mouth to protest but Remus shook his head and continued. "No. No arguing you don't get to do that to me or to your dad. He has lost enough he can't lose you too. And I know it's selfish but what about me? What am I supposed to do if I lose you?" He rambled as he continued to cry 

"You'd be fine Remus. Everything would be fine." Victoria whispered as tears started to well up in her eyes. 

"No, I wouldn't, I wouldn't survive that!" Remus cried. Victoria couldn't help it as she started to cry. "I just don't get why you would starve yourself like that? Why did you push us out? We could have helped you, we wanted to." Remus sighed as he tried to hold the girl's hand, she quickly pulled away. 

"You don't get it Remus." She sighed as she forced herself to sit up giving him a sad and pained expression.

"Then explain it to me Victoria because I want to understand." Remus begged.

"I just wanna be pretty." She sobbed. It sounded so stupid out loud, but it was true. The world had made it clear that she was ugly and probably always would be. "I hate myself; the prophet basically called me a fat slag and my soulmates think I'm disgusting, I can't breathe." She cried and cried as she to tried to steady herself with a deep breath. "I just wanna be good enough Remus. I wanna be pretty."

 Her body shook as she violently sobbed. It sounded trivial. Every girl was insecure. Every girl thought she was fat or ugly. Every girl believed she was unlovable or not good enough. She just didn't know how to explain that it wasn't a simple insecurity or a doubt; it was pure hatred for her image in the mirror.

Remus could feel his heart breaking as she sobbed, and the world felt like it slowed down as he moved onto the bed wrapping his arms around her. She struggled and attempted to push him away, but he refused and soon she settled into soft sniffles. 

"Victoria, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on." Remus whispered as he rubbed her back soothingly it didn't last long as she quickly shoved him away scoffing. 

"Don't lie to me like that." She said bitterly. 

"It's not a fucking lie. Don't you see it?" He stepped back looking at her with a hurt and anger. "I am in love with you Victoria. My body aches for you when you're not near and my soul feels like it's on fire. I can't stand not being with you. It feels like I am dying without you. Living without you was torture before. Now that I have you back? I know I wouldn't have survived it if you didn't wake up!" 

Victoria stared at him as tears streamed down her face. She was speechless. what was she supposed to say. She knew she needed him. She knew she loved him. It didn't change all the fear that was built inside of her and the years and years of insecurities that had forced her to think even if Remus wanted her, she wouldn't be worthy of him. 

"Why can't you just let me in? Just let me love you, Victoria. Please." He begged as he stepped closer to her his hands cradling her face as he pressed his forehead to hers. "Please stop pushing me away." He whispered.

"Kiss me." Victoria whispered almost shyly. Remus pulled away a questioning look gracing his features.

"What?" He asked taken back by the request.

"Kiss me." She said again this time in a sure tone. Remus didn't argue as he pressed his lips softly against hers. Time felt frozen and the world slowed down as Victoria kissed him back with a sort of hunger like she found something she had been missing her entire life. A puzzle piece falling into place. A moment can never last though as Victoria jumped at the sound of the curtain being pulled and Remus pulled away a blush covering his face and neck. 

"I thought I told you to tell me when she woke Mr. Lupin, not snog her back into a coma." Poppy teased sternly causing both teens to blush profusely as they avoided eye contact with each other. 

Remus sat in the side chair next to the bed reading some of the cards that sat on the end table while Poppy gave Victoria a check over and long lecture about her health and the importance of eating. Also lectured her about her previous weight and how she was at her "prime health" and expected her to get back to that weight sooner rather than later. It sounded like a nightmare to Victoria to pick up the weight again, but the problem was the muscle mass she had lost due to the starvation and her being out even if only for a few days. She couldn't dance like she did before, she couldn't sing or move or enjoy things the way she did before because she was significantly weaker. Her energy was gone, and her body barely moved without shaking or becoming exhausted. 

While Victoria found it annoying and terrifying Remus couldn't wait for things to be back to normal. He also was ecstatic to jump at the opportunity to take care of Victoria like she always did for him.

"Oh, you're gonna hate me" Remus said with a sweet but taunting smile as he looked at the girl across the bed. Victoria rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile that forced its way onto her lips. 

"Mummy Moony has come to the rescue, eh?" Victoria chuckled as Remus through a small box of jellybeans at her.