Oceanside

Chapter 22

Silas

Just when I thought I could take a breath of relief my body was stricken with worry. In the few seconds I was relieved that the heat had passed and I hadn't given in—that much.

Touching Odette in anyway always gave me relief however giving her pleasure made the roaring fire simmer. It was feeding the feeling without actually going too far. And while not having sex with her drove me mad I was glad I didn't. I didn't want our first time to be rushed and forced on me by the heat. I didn't want the need to satisfy the urge to be the only reason I had sex with her.

Of course that wouldn't have been all of it. I wanted her, even now that the heat has passed I want her. Rushing into sex because of heat wasn't my idea of truly having her. I wanted everything to be perfect, including her knowing about me.

It was another reason I couldn't justify giving into the heat. I was certain I would try to mark her before I fucked her and I couldn't do that to her. Not only would she not know what that meant but it would scare her. I would assume someone biting your neck, especially piercing the skin, would be enough to worry anyone.

And she wouldn't know why. It was equally as bad as just doing it. I want her to know everything about me and what I am before that happens. Not doing that would be a break in trust. Hell not telling her now was.

The longer she's here the more the words bubble up to my lips. I'm desperate to tell her but petrified to do so. It scares me to my core that she'll reject me, that she'll be afraid of me. For most of my life people were scared of me, even the wolves. They're still uneasy but not as bad as when I was younger.

My Lycan form is different and because of my enhanced abilities they tended to stay away. Even now I use that intimidation and fear for my work. It used to bother me as a kid then as I aged I got used to it. However to have Odette react like that would kill me.

It would hurt me simply because I'm her mate. The pain would be instinctual. But now that I love her, that I was in love with her, it would be worse. I would know exactly what I was missing.

I tried not to think about it. I didn't want to envision what her reaction would be. I just hoped the longer she was here, the longer I showed her I would never hurt her, she would realize that was true. I only wanted the best for her. Only wanted her safe and happy.

Odette tightened her arms around me, shifting how her head laid on my shoulder. My hands ran up and down her back, sometimes pressing my fingertips in to massage the area before rubbing with my palm.

This was where my worries came from now. I had read about some symptoms of periods when I was trying to google how to predict one but it never really hit until now. I hadn't realized just how much it would affect her. The morning after she started she laid in bed for a long while only taking pain medication and water. Then in the afternoon she walked around with a hot water bag pressed to her stomach. It appeared the only relief she got was when she was sleeping.

I hated it. I hated watching her in pain and not being able to stop it. I did everything I could to help. I made her food and got her medicine. I heated up her waterbag and did anything she asked. Going to the store to get specific food or cuddling with her, it didn't matter. But the only thing I couldn't change was her physical pain.

Now on her third day I thought her cramps were better but in the afternoon they ramped up again. She crawled into my lap with the hot waterbag tucked in her sweatpants. I held her for a long time while she stayed completely still. I massaged her back, specifically lower because she said yesterday it hurt.

Like every time she's against me I felt whole. Except luckily I wasn't fighting my control anymore. No, I was calm. My heart beat steadily, warm and full with her in my arms. My breathing was even, just as hers was. Loving her was like this. Calm, easy, natural.  It was natural as breathing to love her. As natural as my heart thumping in my chest.