Oceanside

Chapter 27

Silas

Four weeks have gone by since I dropped Odette off and it's definitely taken a toll on me. I felt half-way awake most days and constantly debating with myself. Everything in me is pulling me towards her. I couldn't count the number of times I got into my truck to go see her then had to force myself back out of it.

This was what she wanted, what she needed. Finding out about me this way was the worst possible scenario. I was hoping to tell her in a calm and controlled environment. One where I could ease her into the information.

She already had trauma with the other wolf tormenting her in the woods so it was important that the process wasn't violent or sprung on her. That carefully thought-out plan was chunked out the window when she saw me fighting that wolf.

I never expected her to show up at the pack house let alone go searching for Natalie. I only found out that was her intent from Steven, another pack member. I wanted to murder him for telling her to go looking around by herself.

The others knew she didn't know and to keep it that way until I could tell her.They also knew what happened to her. I warned them not to do or say anything while she was there. They all agreed but Steven had to fuck it up. The worst part was while he shouldn't have done it I was the one to blame.

I shouldn't have been training that close to the pack house. Not when she so close. I should have told her a long time ago so this could be avoided. Maybe then she would be here.

Now because of that she was back at her house. Even with her gone I could still smell her everywhere. Her scent saturated my house. It drove me insane. Each morning I would wake to it, coming out a dream where I was with her and think she was here. After two seconds of being awake I remembered that wasn't true.

I tried to dive into my work. I trained more, taking longer hours than normal, and assisting in anything I could. That usually consisted of killing rouges or vampires that were causing the pack problems. The distractions never lasted long. I would get through one training session or assignment and immediately had to start another one. During my short down periods I only thought of her.

I felt horrible that she found out that way. I never wanted her to be afraid of me and she was terrified. I wished she would have given me a chance to explain but I understood why she didn't. I lied to her about what I was and she found out in a bad way. Her past experiences didn't help either.

Even though I haven't seen her since I did still keep an eye on her. I had some of my soldiers watching after her just in case. I couldn't be there to scent the land around her house. I didn't trust myself not to try and talk to her if I was that close and she deserved her space. But I couldn't force myself to keep that resolve if I didn't know she was okay.

My men took turns checking in on her and for a while she didn't leave her house. Yesterday she traveled to a city north of her to visit a library. Bently, the soldier watching her, said she just sat at a computer for a long time before abruptly leaving. He made sure she got home okay then left.

It's been hard only hearing second hand how she's doing. It's been hard without her presence period. I missed her so damn much it hurt. I missed having meals with her, watching her nose scrunch up at something she didn't like. I missed how she would inch closer and closer to me, acting like I didn't notice until she was snuggled up against me. Or how she would randomly walk up and pick fuzz off my shirt or fix my hair.

Every tiny little thing I missed.

My life used to feel strange and stagnant between seeing her when I first met her, but now that she was more involved in my life it felt empty without her. Like I didn't know how to live normally without her.