Oceanside

Chapter 28

Odette

An hour earlier

I roughly turned onto my back, sighing loudly as I stared up at the dark ceiling. I couldn't sleep again. Usually I would have this dilemma for an hour or so then I would be tired enough to doze off. Tonight was different. I had been in this bed for at least three house with no luck.

Pushing up into a sitting position I blankly stared around my room. The small space was lit up from the full moon outside. It was bright in my window. I blamed it partly for keeping me up. The light had never kept me up before but I didn't have any other explanation.

I had willed my mind away from Silas an hour ago and was successful. I made myself recall every cheer routine had had to do, trying to remember the others positions too. That worked for a while and I figured I would fall asleep after, I didn't.

With an irritated sigh I pushed off my covers and walked across the room to grab my book. I flipped open to where the piece of paper I used as a bookmark was. The moon was so bright that I could face my back to it and see the words on the page. I decided that would be enough. Hopefully my eyes would get tired and I could give up early.

Again my mind saw Silas in the place of the main male character but I didn't fight it. It wasn't until the characters started to fight that I closed the book. I didn't want to visualize Silas's face as the main girl suggests a breakup. It hit too close to home.

I tossed it to the ground next to my bed then stared at the wall ahead. I hadn't decided when to talk to Silas again but I knew I wanted to. I wanted to make sure I was mentally stable enough to do it though. I wasn't sure when that was going to be.

I mean I felt stable now but I was worried if that would change when I saw him again. And even when I do decide when that was I didn't know how to do it. I mean I figured I could find him pretty easily considering I knew where he lived but it made me nervous. I was pretty sure I could ask or say anything to him however it didn't mean it made it easy for me to actually do it.

I worried if he was upset about my reaction too. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I was scared. I still was uneasy but it was more about the unknown.

I sighed for the millionth time and slid down further into my bed. My mind was still fully awake. I felt irritated with myself. I wanted to talk to him but had to overcome my nerves, which includes figuring out a perfect time frame for myself.

I wondered what he was doing in the time apart. Was he okay with our separation? Had he gotten over the initial break and now he was past it? Or was he as sad as I was? I was the one who pushed him away so he had every right to act whatever way he did. But I still thought about it.

At the sound of crunching leaves approaching I froze. Fear washed over me. I waited for another beast to appear.

Would it be another wolf? Or maybe a vampire?

Silas did talk about that back by the main house. Maybe it was just a regular wild animal. My mind didn't stay on that one for long. Instead it envisioned the wolf from Louisiana. My heart rate skyrocketed when I heard them step up onto my porch before two soft knocks were heard.

"Odette."

And just like that my fear had vanished.

Silas's voice was soft but held undertones that made my heart ache. He sounded hurt, nervous, and scared.

Without thinking I got out of bed and crossed the distance to my door. I unlocked all of my locks then pulled the door open.

Silas's beastly form took up most of the space on my small porch. He was shirtless with only a pair of pants on. Nothing scared me more than what type of shape he appeared to be in. He was shaking with a look on his face that matched his tone. Hurt, nervous, and scared.

Fear filled me again. "What happened? What's wrong?" I wanted to reach out for him but held back. I scanned him for injuries. I couldn't find anything on him to create this reaction.

His breathing was labored. "I don't know." He swallowed. "I just...Odette I need you."

The words sent an intense wave of emotions through me. Any words I could have said got caught in my throat.

"Please," he begged. "Please, can I just hold you?"

He seemed to be in some sort of physical pain. It scared me. I didn't know what was really wrong with him or how I could fix it. Whatever it was it had to do with his Lycan side, that I could guess correctly. However this was what he said he needed. I couldn't deny him this, because I wanted it too.

I nodded softly.

Before I could fully process the relief in his eyes he was crossing the doorway into my home and pulling me to his chest. His large arms wrapped around my body tightly. I laid my head sideway on his chest and closed my eyes as I hugged him back.

Like normal his warmth enveloped me. He felt hot though, like he was feverish. Worry knotted in my gut.

He took a deep breath as he rested his head on top of mine, letting the breath come out slow and relaxed.

The longer we stood the less he shook. It slowed into a small vibration then with each exhale it melted away.

I was still immensely anxious about what had just occurred but he seemed to be recovering from whatever happened. I listened to his racing heart slow and breathing even out.

I was only given the minimal movement he made to prepare me for his next actions. He shifted down and unwrapped his arms only to pick me up. I tightened my grip on him but didn't have to for long as he walked to my bed.

He sat down, adjusting me so that I was straddling him before laying back. It was then he folded his arms back over my body to press me completely against him.

"Um." I fidgeted.

"Please stay still," he whispered.

I halted my actions as the tone. He was still hurting, it almost sounded like quiet begging again. I guess he thought I was trying to get up. I wasn't. I only wanted to get into a more comfortable position.

I tried again. "Can I just..." I slowly moved to the spot I wanted. It was still pressed against him but not so awkward for me.

"Yes you can," he said then locked his grip on me again when I was settled.

It was quiet for a long moment. I knew he hadn't fallen asleep because he constantly shifted his hold on me. It was like he thought I would slip out if he wasn't careful enough.

Unexpectedly his lips pressed a light kiss to the top of my head. "I'm so sorry angel," he rasped.

My heart clenched and I squeezed my eyes closed. He sounded in pain. I hated it.

"I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have kept this from you," he continued in a low tone. "I was so afraid of scaring and losing you. But I lost you anyway. I have no excuse to give."

"You didn't lose me," I whisper.

It was the truth. As much as I was terrified of him and hated that he lied he didn't lose me.

I definitely wasn't a hundred percent back to what I was before but I was getting there. I would want a million questions answered and probably more after that. I hadn't thought about what to ask or how to even talk to him again.

In all honesty it was probably the best thing that could have happened tonight, him showing up. I don't think I could have approached him on my own.

I was still worried about him, scared about something I didn't even know about. However he seemed to be better now. In fact I think he was sleeping. His breathing was even and his grip, though still firm, was more relaxed than before.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. For the first time tonight I actually felt sleepy. I allowed myself to let every question and reservation I had fall away in this moment. Things could be complicated again tomorrow. For now I just wanted to have this.

**

this was literally my favorite chap to write so far