LUKE- seriously it's nothing.
Sent 5:17pm
I stuffed my face with chocolate cookies and let out a groan.
Heavenly. I don't understand why people fuck when you could just eat?
After a rollercoaster of emotions I was exhausted and I pulled my hair up into a bun and jumped onto the sofa.
There was only one movie that could save me.
Love actually.
"Oh my god you are seriously not watching this British Christmas movie again." Lola dragged her feet and fell face first on the sofa
"It's a masterpiece" I said with my mouth full of cookie. "Whatever - I'm soooo tired i don't know how I'm going to do this for 4 WHOLE years you are so lucky you missed basically the first week" I chuckled "I take it your day didn't go exceptionally well" she sighed "I mean it was ok like I've had worse-"
SWOOSH the door opened
Jacob came in looking stressed, chucking his back pack by the door he turners towards us "Eleanor can I talk to you" he eyed Lola down
"Oh wow excluding me. Very mature Wills. Very mature" she tutted
"Fuck off" he shouted as she strutted off.
Jacob sat at the edge of the sofa, his usual jokey persona was no more. I choked on my cookie a bit and still he said nothing. "Eleanor. I know you shut off whenever I try and talk to you about it" oh fuck.
I knew where this is going.
He's such a traitor.
"But if you are so sure you are okay to be at college than we have to talk - when you did it the first time you got better and then the panic attacks happened and other signs and you tried again..." he said
"Jacob are you fucking kidding me" I got up abruptly.
"No I think - "
"You know what I am so done"
"Eleanor I'm just fucking trying"
"Well don't"
"It's not a matter of"
"I can't deal with this"
Our voices got louder and louder each word cutting deeper and deeper than the last.
I heard the door open but I chose to ignore it furious at my brother
"I am better - but how do you expect me to be if you keep fucking fricking it up! " I was screaming at this point tears streaming down my face.
"I am supposed to fucking look after you - do you think I want to be here away from all my friends with my sister and her friend? NO I DONT." He shouted his face getting redder and redder by the second
"okay go then! I don't want you here! You treat me like a special cause" I shrieked
"I can't leave! you know that I know that Lola knows that even fucking Luke knows that because you might fucking do it again I can't trust you no fucking therapy will change that" He shouted.
My heart cracked it my chest and fell out. My head stopped pounding. He was right.
"Wait no Eleanor I'm sorry please" he grabbed my arm I saw his face soften and his voice cracked.
I shook him off. Slowly I walked towoards the stairs and I bumped into a hard wall of chest. It was Luke. I looked up at him.
His eyes filled with the most emotion I had ever seen in all my years of knowing him. I pushed him and hit his chest repeatedly. He took my wrist softly and passed me like a baby to Lola who was sat mid way up the stairs with open arms.
"This is why do you see now? Do you see if anything this will make me so much fucking worse" I said with so much anger yet in such a quiet whisper of a voice
He began to talk but I felt so out of it I didn't even hear him. Lola told him to fuck off as she helped me to my room and let me cry in her arms.
ME - fucking traitor
Sent 9:34 pm
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The only boy I can't have
Romanceafter struggling immensely with her mental health through high school, Eleanor wills sees college as her fresh start with her best friend by her side - what could go wrong? Luke walker, destined for the NHL didn't do relationships but seeing his be...
