The only boy I can't have

Eleanor

"All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuu baby" I sang joyfully from the back seat, completely out of tune.

Jacob groaned "the two hours of your none stop singing is making my ears bleed" dragging out the 'eed' as he spoke.

Crossing my arms and pouting my lips "well sorry if I'm trying to be full of Christmas spirit on CHRISTMAS eve Jacob. You didn't even wear your matching reindeer jumper" I whined

Jacob was stressed, he had a lot on his plate with his business course and was up to his neck in work.

That still doesn't excuse the absence of his Christmas jumper.

I sighed loudly and Luke chuckled from the front seat.

My cheeks went red.

"Is youuuuuuuuuu" joining in with the radio once again - I loved Christmas.

*******

After dropping Luke at his house, I clambered into the front seat, it was finally time to go home.

I let out a big deep breath and Jacob shot me a knowing look.

Our town was just a reminder.

I'm not ashamed of myself. But I hated remembering. I hated the flashbacks. I hated the pain.

As we pulled up onto our parent's driveway I knew I needed to control myself.

"Jeffery our babies have arrived!" My mother called out looking glamorous as ever with her blonde hair styled in a way that made it look like she had shoved her head into a cotton candy machine.

She had bright makeup on and had big gold hoops and was wearing her matching reindeer jumper.

"Hugs and kisses for your mother" she pulled us in, her sickly sweet smell suffocating us.

""Jacob Oscar wills where in the world is your jumper" mom placed her hands on her hips.

"Uh - uh it got lost?" He said making it sound more like a question than an answer.

I scoffed as I walked into the house my two bags in hand.

"Darlin'" my dad pulled me into a deep hug.

"Daddy" I gave him a kiss on the cheek as he took my bags upstairs and I followed.

I stood still in the door frame of my childhood room.

There was no trash on the floor, no piles of clothes, no discarded items, just as I had left it 4 months ago.

But ift felt the same.

It always did.

It would always be that room too me.

My bed had fresh Santa Clause sheets. The wardrobe still full of my old clothes and I smiled seeing the shocking fashion choices past me had made.

The windows tightly shut with open curtains letting the cold winter sun seep through.

"Knock knock" my mum sang waddling in.

I gave her a small smile.

"Come down for coco and charades?" She asked me.

"You know I would love too but I am just really tired - is it ok if I miss it?" Giving my best puppy dog eyes.

"Yes darling of course!" Mom gave me a big hug "you get rested buttercup -night" blowing kisses.

*******
After tossing and turning for ours I wondered what Luke was doing.

ME - merry early Christmas x
Sent 11:21 pm