The only boy I can't have

Luke

Fuck this girl was messing with my head.
She was tucked up in a ball in my front seat and she was shivering.

I placed my jacket over her and she looked up quickly. We made eye contact and I could tell she was still drunk - I mean who wouldn't be after the amount of shots she had.

Eleanor's gaze softened and as I gave her a small smile.

"Mr tough guy" she slurred
"Hmm?" I questioned
"You act like a big scary tough bear! But you are just a soft teddy one"
I started at her and she gulped, Chuckling I returned my attention to driving.

I pulled into the driveway just as Eleanor had fallen asleep again. Picking her up I found myself once again holding this precious delicate girl like a baby in my arms.

The door was unlocked and she stirred as I gently put her down on the sofa that she moulded her body into.

Turning the lights on, I was on a mission to sober Eleanor up. 1 glass of milk, 1 glass of water, a packet of white chocolate cookies and Cheetos were balanced on my arms.

"Luke" she said with a snivel

Her face was stained with mascara and her makeup was rubbing down her face and her once straight hair was now frizzy.

"Beautiful what's wrong-" she burst into tears as I put down the snacks on the table next to her as I sat down to join her.

She nuzzled her head into my chest and weeped.

I rubbed her back drawing flowers and hearts while telling her she was ok.

Eleanor would always be safe with me.

15 minutes had past and Eleanor had eaten 3 cookies and the whole bag of Cheetos.

That's my girl.

She stopped munching and looked up at me, still quite tipsy.

"Luke"

"Yeh beautiful"

"Can I tell you what happened"

"What do you mean?" I looked at down at her, eyes filled with emotion.

"You know." She whispered
"I want to talk to someone who isn't going to try and therapise me" Eleanor said chuckling softly.

I nodded. Jacob had told me most of it. I mean I was there for most of it.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve and pushed herself up taking a sip of water and then a deep breath.

"The kids in high school were pretty mean. Well I mean olivia, Tate and Lily" I remember them. Olivia was obsessed with me. "They were mean and bullied me but nothing more than that"

It breaks my heart that she considers being bullied 'nothing'

"I just got really really depressed for multiple reasons" she slurred reminding me she would never tell me this sober

"I never left my house. I didn't shower. I didn't eat. I didn't brush my hair. And I found an old razor at the back of my room and that was that" she brushed her hands over her arms wincing as she got to her wrists.

"It just got so bad. The panic attacks were out of control. So one day I wrote my letters. Said my goodbyes and locked my doors" I held her hand

"My mum thought some boy or something was in there with me so she got my dad to break down the door and then- and then they saw me with his shot gun pushed against my head" Tears rolled down her face.

"I went to a rehab place Center thingy, I can't really remember now it was 3 years ago and I was in tons of therapy and then I came back and it was all good again." I gave her a knowing look.

"Until it got worse. It only started with panic attacks which we were told were normal you see"
Jacob told me that when it was all happening.

"And then- it all happened again but much much worse and Jacob found me in the kitchen with the knife" she cried out in pain.

" it haunts me. His face. The disappointment. The way he grabbed me just before I did it and how I cut his thumb" the one with the massive scar I thought to myself.

"And then I went to rehab. But I got better. I had to. Ever since I saw Jacob's face and the way he cried. The way my mum weeped into my dad's shoulder whilst he too was crying whilst I went away again - I knew I had to get better"

My heart broke in two for this girl.

This poor tiny thing in my arms had gone through so much and still always had a smile on her face.

I stifled some tears back as I held her tight in my arms.

"I am proud of you" I said stiffly.
Eleanor looked up with a weak smile.

She was mine and it was my job to protect her.

And I wouldn't let her down.

AUTHORS NOTE
I hope you 'enjoyed' this chapter xxx
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