In My Opinion

My Anpanman by KimIcy_03

Full title: My Anpanman || A Kim SeokJin Story by KimIcy_03
Source: Judging task for interview with -Chrysalis_Realm
Genre: Fanfiction
Subgenre: Romance

Fandom: BTS

Mature: Y (strong swearing)

Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 29/40

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

First impressions total: 29/40

Title: 10/10
I am the type of person who loves having to look things up, and I had to look up "anpanman." Children's superhero? Bread man who cuts pieces of himself off to feed starving kids? That's simultaneously cute and disturbing, and I have to wonder how it relates to what's about to play out in this story. And, of course, you tell every BTS fan exactly who this story is about right up front.

Blurb/synopsis: 7/10
The quote. I'm not a big fan of story excerpts in the blurb, although other people like them, so I'm not knocking points for that. I do think it should go after the blurb, though. When a potential reader clicks on your book and gets that pop-up, they don't get to see the full blurb, so the part they do see needs to hook them right away. So, I'd actually move the quote down so your story blurb is the first thing a possible reader sees.

Now, for that blurb. I like short and sweet, and that's what you have here. I also like single-sentence lines that tell just a little and leave you in suspense for the rest, so you're already on the right track. There are a few little grammatical errors that dull your hook, but they're easy to resolve. First, May needs to be introduced right at the start of the sentence. She's the main character, I presume, so you don't want to bury her name in the middle of a sentence. Dropping it right at the start makes it stick in the potential reader's mind. A little tweaking, and this is what I came up with: "May already had plenty of hardships in her life, but she decided to date a famous singer from BTS anyway."

It feels better to me to push Kim SeokJin's name into the second line. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's to keep the emphasis on May in that first sentence? Or to add a layer of mystery? Not that it's too much of a mystery, since his name's in the title, but it still adds suspense and interest. Anyway, I think it works better for him to have his own intro after her intro. Something like, "But Kim SeokJin came with trouble and dark secrets." That also adds a nice reveal that answers one question and raises others, further hooking the reader's interest.

I'm also tweaking the wording a bit here to give each sentence more of an edge. Condensing a sentence and choosing harder-sounding words increases the impact and the appeal of each sentence. Doing that with the next sentence is tricky, because I'm not entirely sure of your meaning, and I think it's the "them" that's tripping me up. Is "them" the "dark secrets?" If so, clarifying here would be a good idea, and contrasting "secrets" with an opposing concept would improve your hook. "The truth" would be a good choice. And then add "him" before "go" to indicate that the choice she makes will decide whether she stays with Kim SeokJin or leaves him.

Last thing is the trailing periods. You use two, and it's better to use an ellipsis, which is three periods (...). Not two, not four, just the standard three, and this applies elsewhere, too. But your ending sentences here are on point. This is what grabs your reader's interest and gets them to start reading the story.

Cover: 7/10
First thing: this looks like a movie poster. I like it. I like the background image, the way everything's blurred around the central character, who I assume is Kim Seokjin (please forgive my ignorance). But the glow around him is...well. You're trying to make him stand out, which that accomplishes, but it also makes it seem like his picture was cut and pasted over the background. I'd recommend reducing the glow a bit to eliminate that effect. Next thing is the title. "ANPAN" blends into the background too much. I actually missed it completely until I took a closer look. The "A" is the part that disappears the most, and honestly, just doing something to make that pop a little more would probably allow the reader's eye to see the rest of it just fine. Maybe some shading over the top left part of the letter? Something like that. Anyway, moving on to the rest of the text, it's too small. When I view the cover on the title page, I can't make any of it out. I can make out the subtitle when I open the book from your profile, where the image is bigger, but the text at the bottom is still hard to make out, especially whatever it says above your name. I think bumping the size up a notch for the subtitle (and moving over to the left as needed to maintain its position across his chest) would do it for that. For your name, probably another size up, and the text above that a size or two. But otherwise, the font choice and color are perfect for this.