In My Opinion

Truth by Caitlyn-Blayne

Full title: The Four Realms - Book One - Truth by Caitlyn-Blayne
Source: Zelicaon Awards by -Chrysalis_Realm
Category: Fantasy
Mature: Y (death, physical abuse, sexual references, violence)
Status: Ongoing
Special note (judging): I had three books from this category, and the other judges (nkvenus7878 and dead_poet_7) had six and five books, respectively.
Result: 93/100

09/16/2024 - Unfortunately, this book has been unpublished or deleted.

*****

Rubric:
- Basic introduction (cover, title, and description): 20
- First impression (first few chapters): 10
- Story mechanics (plot and characters): 30
- Grammar and vocabulary: 20
- Writing style (including pacing): 20
Total: 100

*****

Total: 93/100

Basic introduction (cover, title, and description): 18/20
Cover: Yes. Just yes. Main character up front, two guys who I assume make up the love triangle (noted in the tags) bringing up the back with dark, brooding looks; the way all the images are blended together with each other and the dark background; the icons in each corner; the frame; the text—yep. Nailed it.

Title: And you did it here, too. I always prefer the series name to be part of the title, just so the reader can know at a glance which book to start with or which book is next, and it's all here. Also, "Truth." Hm...

Description: Overall, good content, just enough info to pique a potential reader's interest without giving too much away, but I do have a few suggestions to clean this up and sharpen your hook. In the first sentence, you can cut "had." Short, concise sentences can be more gripping than longer sentences in some cases. 

In the next paragraph, "who's" should be "whose," and I'd recommend reordering the sentence to exclude Truth and make Esatain the subject. That would eliminate "you," which is problematic, because it gives the impression that this is going to be a story written in second person, like some fanfictions and simulation games, and I don't expect that to be the case.

Next paragraph, I'd recommend playing with sentence order, structure, and punctuation to find the most effective way to hook potential readers. For example, you could merge the first, second, and third sentences into something like this: "Her first fight is to survive, but then she must choose—fight for the light or the dark? The wrong choice could destroy them all." Then you could split the last sentence into three questions to really grab reader interest and force them to start coming up with their own questions they want answered. Question marks after "world" and "lost" would do it, and for added punch, you could split the last question into its own single-sentence paragraph: "And with her the future of all?"

First impression (first few chapters): 10/10
Well, that's an action-packed way to start the story. You threw me right into it! But, wow, the hook here is insane. I just had to keep reading, judge or not, because I need to know what's going on. I'm invested in Esatain—or I assume it's her, because her name still hasn't been mentioned by the end of chapter five. This is the classic start-the-story-in-the-middle thing, a technique which is sometimes difficult to pull off, but you have certainly managed it here.

Story mechanics (plot and characters): 30/30
I already said her name hadn't been mentioned yet, and the plot really hasn't been revealed yet, either. The reader knows as much (or less, really) as Esatain. A house fire (arson?), abduction, sale, captive situation, monster attack, corrupt kingdom, creepy king—there are so many pieces of the puzzle here, and none really fit together yet. That could feel overwhelming, but it doesn't. It's all part of the drive behind the story and the hook that keeps the reader locked in. Hints of strange behavior, words that don't quite make sense, thickly veiled references to events we don't know about yet—so many questions. You're pulling back that veil bit by tiny bit, giving the reader crumbs about characters and telling us the lore of your world as you go.