In My Opinion

Heart's Desire by _Mini_Padfoot_

Full title: 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭'𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞┃𝙎𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙪𝙨 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 by _Mini_Padfoot_
Source: Utopian Fanfiction Awards 2024 by 
Category: Harry Potter fandom
Mature: N (underage drinking & smoking, strong swearing)
Status: Ongoing
Special note: LGBTQIAP+ (a few mentions on the side, nothing direct)
Round 1: 24/40
Round 2: 81/100
Round 3: 84/100, did not progress to round 4

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 24/40

Title: 10/10
I'm getting some serious romance vibes here, and, while I don't normally like extras listed in the Wattpad title, there are so many types of Harry Potter fanfics and so many preferences that adding in Sirius Black is a good idea to attract readers who seek fanfics about him - and ward off the ones who don't.

Cover: 4/10
This could be better, and my biggest concern with it is the title. At first glance, I couldn't find the word "desire." It's the same color as "HEART'S," Sirius' tie, and the rose petals, so it all blends together. I can't really make out the designs in "HEART'S," either, unless I look really hard. But I like the pop of bright red against the mostly black-and-white background, and I like the font choice and the way "desire" is overlaid on top of "HEART'S." My suggestions would be to move the text up to the top of the cover in the sky above his head, bump the font size for "desire" up a couple of sizes, and play with colors and other ways to add some definition to the text. Maybe a lighter shade of red for "HEART'S" so the floral designs stick out more, and a darker shade for "desire" to give it more of a passionate feel? You can try out things like highlights, shadows, shading, etc. around the text, too, but once the red text is against a mostly white background with some color tweaking, you may not need to do more to add definition.

Moving on, I like "a novel by serena" at the bottom, but I'd bump the font size up a notch or two so it's more visible. The background gray-scale image of Hogwarts is good, and the rose petals are fine, although you'd probably want to cut some of them out at the top of the screen if you move the text up there. Or, at least, make sure they're set behind the text, and there's enough of a color difference that they don't blend in with the text. But the glow around Sirius and the shine on his face feel like too much to me. You can still have it, but I'd tone it down a bit so it looks less like he just oiled his face after emerging from a nuclear reaction that makes him glow in the dark. (Unless that actually happens in the story, and if so, you have my attention.) 😉

Summary: 4/10
I'm not a person who likes story excerpts in the blurb, but other people do, so I'm not docking points for that. I do think the actual blurb that comes after the story should be right at the top. When a potential reader clicks on your story and that little box pops up with more info, they can only see the first few lines of the blurb, so you need to hook them with a tagline that piques their interest. There are also some grammar issues here, and you really want this to be clean, so it makes a good impression on any potential readers.

So, let me kind of go through my thoughts with you here, starting with that tagline. "In which." You can cut that out. That makes the sentence incomplete, because there should be something before "in which." As far as the actual content of the tagline, she's not much of a secret admirer if you spoil him confronting her in the story excerpt. That excerpt actually makes him seem more like the secret admirer who is revealing his presence to her, because he's the one in control of the situation, and that's what I thought was going on until I got to the tagline after the excerpt.