| | Indefinite Hiatus | |
I hope to return to this project someday, but it isn't feasible with my current health issues and life circumstances. I have to cut things from my workload so I can breathe. However, I still intend to complete my current li...
Source: Utopian Fanfiction Awards 2024 by TheHappyWriters Category: Harry Potter fandom Mature: Y (abuse, sexual innuendo, strong profanity, underage drinking, violence) LGBTQIAP+: Y (LG) Status: Complete Round 1: 34/40 Round 2: 78/100 Round 3: 86/100, did not progress to round 4
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Round 1: 34/40
Title: 10/10
The forced proximity trope? Yes. Yes, please. 😉
Cover: 9/10
This is cute. Did you do the artwork yourself? I love how Draco looks so snarky, and he's definitely pestering Hermoine, and she's just trying so hard to ignore him. The gray-scale really goes well here, too, emphasizing Draco's light hair and her dark hair. My only complaint is with the title. The white "S" kind of disappears in that white window. If you could add a black outline or highlight to add more definition so it's easier to see, that would be ideal, because at first glance, it looks like the title is "ROOMMATE."
Also, side note, I think I've seen one other person who included the @ before their name on a book cover, and it's an interesting choice. I approve.
Summary: 8/10
Only issue here is punctuation. You should actually use commas in all the places you've used hyphens, and dependent clauses like "the Gryffindor princess" and "the Slytherin prince" should be set apart with commas, before and after ("Hermione, the Gryffindor princess, and"). I think I'd throw a comma in after "Hogwarts" in the third sentence, and in the last sentence, a hyphen would work really well after "chaos" to emphasize the contrasting outcomes.
First chapter (and everything that came before it): 7/10
Author's note: Um...I feel really awkward pointing this out, but the colon after "professional" should be a comma, and the comma after "writing" should be a period. 😅 Then, in the line below the gif, there's an accidental space between "comment" and the comma and a missing space between the comma and "vote." (And I also live for Wattpad comments.)
Prologue: Well, this is a nice little background info scene. Narcissa Malfoy and Minerva McGonagall meeting to discuss Draco's future. I approve.
So, you may not be a professional, but you write really well. The sneak peek into McGonagall's thoughts is well done, and the dialogue flows naturally. Your most common issue is the same as it was the blurb and the author's note - commas. And they can be tricky. My best recommendation here would be to use an editing tool to help you add them where they need to be and remove them where they don't. And take out those extra spaces you sometimes put in before or after a comma.
