In My Opinion

Colliding Hearts by PremaFR

Full title: Colliding Hearts by PremaFR
Source: Review Shop by TheBlossomCommunity_
Genre: Fanfiction
Subgenre: Romance
Fandom: Prema (Indian actress), Venky Atluri (Indian actor)
Mature: N (alcoholism, loss of a loved one, physical abuse, smoking, smut [none yet], strong profanity, violence)
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 33/40
Digging deeper: 84/100
Final thoughts: Complete
Note: Chapter 4 was the last available chapter as of the publishing of this review.

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*****

First impressions total: 33/40

Title: 10/10
I'm all for some heart collision. Two people running into each other like two cars in an accident—could be fun! Or painful. Maybe both. 😉

Story description: 8/10
Short, sweet, and to the point. I like it. Maybe it doesn't have the strongest hook out there, but I think it's fine for the readers you'll attract with this title and the cutesy cover. I would spell out "two" instead of using the number, but that's not entirely necessary. The convention I've seen the most seems to be spelling out any numbers lower than ten and using the numerical form for 11 and up, but, again, up to you. You could potentially put a comma before "while" in the second sentence, and "heartbroken" should be all one word. Otherwise, you're good here.

Cover: 8/10
This is a cute cover. I like the simplicity of the solid background with cut-out hearts containing images of the two main characters, and the cutesy font for the title is fun, too. There's a lot of empty space at the top of the cover, though, and the title is a bit small, so I'd recommend bumping the font size up to be more visible and fill that space better. Right now, the images catch the eye before the title, and it should probably be the reverse. Also, your name isn't on here. Give yourself credit! I see a perfect spot for your name, though. Right next to the two flags. It looks like that spot's just waiting for your name there. And you don't need "by" before your name. Just your name in a cute font in a shade of brown that works with the theme here would be fine. I would recommend keeping your name small so it doesn't distract from the title and the images, but just make sure it's big enough for the reader to see it.

First chapter: 7/10
Well, this is a cute little first chapter. I mean, Venky's side isn't that cute, but you don't delve into his painful situation heavily enough to make the tone of this chapter dark at all. I haven't seen dual perspectives done this way before with such frequent changes, but I like it. Prema and Venky's personalities are already coming through pretty clearly. You don't have the most flowery, elaborate descriptions, but when you specifically want the reader to know a certain detail, you make it clear with phrases like, "His jawline was sharp enough to cut paper." That's a great description right there.

I have a suggestion about the changing perspectives that I think would add a nice visual guide for the reader, like when you look at your text messages and you can tell who's speaking by name and left- or right-alignment. Something like this:

Prema
Blah blah blah

Venky
Blah blah blah

That's just a thought. I would at least put their names in bold, so they stand out better from the rest of the narrative, and I'd probably split the paragraphs up a bit more to separate speakers when others get involved in dialogue. You don't have really long sections of dialogue yet, but starting a new paragraph with a change in speaker/actions can make conversations easier to follow, because it's easier to tell at a glance who is speaking where.