In My Opinion

All Over Again by iampotterhead99

Full title: All Over Again : A Mystery Asserts Itself (A Hermione Fanfiction) by iampotterhead99
Source: Utopian Fanfiction Awards 2024 by TheHappyWriters
Category: Harry Potter fandom
Mature: N (mild swearing)
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 24/40
Round 2: 70/100, did not progress to round 3

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 24/40

Title: 8/10
Okay, I'm the weirdo who notices these things, but there's an unnecessary space between "Again" and the colon. Also...I don't see the need for the second part of the title, "A Mystery Asserts Itself." That reads like a subtitle, so I'd expect that on the book cover, but not in the title itself. It just gets super long, especially with "(A Hermione Fanfiction)."

Cover: 4/10
Now, I'm not a graphics person, and I know how tricky it is to do graphics when that's not your thing. I think the image you're using is good, and the content of the text is good - except you don't have the subtitle, and you really should have that. But, anyway, you just need to figure out how to make all the pieces work together. A frame of some sort would probably help to make this seem less like text slapped on a picture, and a fancier font would be a good idea, too. Having different fonts for different parts of the cover would be nice, too. Something similar, but slightly different. Maybe cursive? Make the title an elegant cursive and move it up above her head, making sure it stands out from a border, if you decide to add that. That would look good. For your name, I'd cut "By," since I never like that and space is at a premium for you. Then decrease the font size and tuck your name in the bottom left-hand corner, where it stands out against the shadows. Again, I think a cursive font, but something more playful than whatever you use for the title. Since you have a lot of text and not a lot of space, I'd cut "A Hermione Fanfiction," since that's blatantly obvious by her picture, and put "A Mystery Asserts Itself" instead. That one could be a messier cursive, like it's scribbled on a piece of paper, and maybe slant it to enhance that messy effect. I think I'd stick that across her chest, going up to her right shoulder, set a little right of center. Anyway. It's easy for me to say, but once you actually start working on it and you can actually see it in front of you, you may want to go in a different direction. That's just what I came up with.

Summary: 6/10
First thing - I'd cut that quote at the top. The blurb is more important, and the quote is distracting. Now, in the actual blurb, there are some grammar issues, and playing around with wording and sentence structure would probably increase your hook. For example, that first line. There should be a space between "at" and "last," and I'd actually use a hyphen instead of a period to hook it into the next sentence. That adds more emphasis: "At least it was over - or so it seemed." That has a nice ominous feeling about it.

In the next paragraph, that first sentence doesn't make sense at first, but I think it's just a problem with the order of information. So flipping it around to be more chronological: "The brutalities suffered 21 years ago and long forgotten are coming back to the present."

Yay! She married Ron! I assume. There are a lot of Weasley boys. 😉 And Ministress of Magic? That sounds perfect for her.

Next line, you don't need "she can." And when you get into the questions, there should be a comma after "safety," and "would" should be "will." "Innocent" should be plural, so "innocents," and "occur on" is awkward. It's clearer to say "continue." Next question, I'd cut "somehow yet improbably," because that's just cluttering up the sentence, and the meaning is already implied. I wouldn't capitalize "evil omen." You don't need "unnaturally," because, again, it's clutter, and it's implied; flip it around to "he is back," and cut the periods before the question mark.