| | Indefinite Hiatus | |
I hope to return to this project someday, but it isn't feasible with my current health issues and life circumstances. I have to cut things from my workload so I can breathe. However, I still intend to complete my current li...
Source: Review Shop by TheBlossomCommunity_ Genre: Fanfiction Subgenre: Romance Fandom: BTS Mature: Y (PTSD, religion, sexual references, strong profanity, violence; mentions of attempted rape, emotional abuse, loss of a loved one, murder, physical abuse) LGBTQIAP+: N Status: Ongoing First impressions: 25/40 Digging deeper: 57/100
Final thoughts: Complete Note: Chapter 22 was the last available chapter as of the publishing of this review.
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First impressions: 25/40
Title: 9/10
Okay, flowers, loyalty; these seem like good words to use for a romance novel. My only (picky) complaint here is that it's in all uppercase letters. I prefer just the first letters to be uppercase (so, The Blooming Allegiance KTH).
Story description: 4/10
The first observation I have here is there are a lot of trailing periods. They really dull the hook, because they sort of lend an airy, vague feel to each line. I think the actual content is good, though. There are some grammar issues, and I think it would work best with some lines put together instead of all individual, but that's easy enough to address.
Whenever you use these trailing periods, just stick to three (...). That's called an ellipsis. When you're deciding if you need to use "a" or "an" in front of a noun, the determining factor is the first letter of that noun. If it's a vowel (a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y), use "an," and if it's a consonant, use "a." So, it should be "a cute" and "a Kim." There's also a pronoun issue. I'm assuming the Indian princess is a female, so it should be "her prince charming." "Whereas" is actually all one word, and you should hyphenate "soft-hearted." Since "people" is a plural noun, you'd use "think" instead of "thinks," and there should be an article in front of "Indian" (which you should also capitalize).
Tweaking a bit to make more definite, complete sentences will strengthen the hook, and I don't think "whereas" is really the best word here, because it's meant to introduce a contrasting idea. The princess waiting for her prince charming is very similar to the king waiting for this queen, not different. Also, "Prince Charming" is usually capitalized like a name or a title, and again, "but" seems a bit out of place because it points to a contrast that isn't apparent. So, putting everything into one paragraph after taking all that into consideration, this is what you could get (but you have your own style, so play with it however you'd like):
This is a sweet love story about a cute and bubbly Indian princess waiting for her Prince Charming to come while the cold but soft-hearted King of Korea is waiting for his queen.
