In My Opinion

Double Devotions by mk_crenshaw

Full title: 𝓓𝓸𝓾𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓓𝓮𝓿𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼 - ʜᴀʀʀʏ ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴀɴꜰɪᴄ by mk_crenshaw
Source: Utopian Fanfiction Awards 2024 by TheHappyWriters
Category: Harry Potter fandom
Mature: N (child abuse, torture, gore, attempted murder, mild swearing)
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 33/40
Round 2: 92/100
Round 3: 92/100
Round 4: 94/100 (1st place)

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 33/40

Title: 9/10
If you're using "devotion" in the sense of loving someone, which I'm pretty sure you are, you actually don't need the "s." "Devotions" is typically used more to refer to religious prayer guides. But this is a clever title, since the canon characters you're centering this around are the Weasley twins, and, although I don't normally like extras in the title, "Harry Potter Fanfic" makes it pretty clear to anybody who doesn't know exactly what to expect here.

Cover: 7/10
This has the feel of a photo booth picture to me. I don't know if that's what you're going for, but that's what I get. To emphasize that informal, casual feel, I'd set the picture at an angle - you know, like when you throw a picture down on a table, and it doesn't land straight. I'd probably still keep your title in a neat horizontal line, but I really think twisting the picture will add something here. Maybe change the font of the title to something more like the handwriting on the picture - not necessarily the same font, but something similar to make it feel like someone tacked this picture in a photo book and slapped a quick label on it. And last thing, your name. I'd drop the "by." I know many people use it, but it's really unnecessary. It's implied, and it just takes up space. Bumping the font up a size or two would help make your name more visible, and I think I'd keep it in this print font, even if you change the title font.

Summary: 8/10
You introduce the plot conflict really nicely here. Girl grows up with boys, girl and boys mature, boys suddenly see her in a different light. Add in some baggage from her past, and we're all set for a good story here. I'd do some tweaking here to streamline this a bit, but your content is good. So, in the first sentence, I'd swap the comma after "year" for a period, cut "more than that," and then leave the rest of it as is. A shorter sentence right at the start of your blurb catches readers better than a longer sentence. You could put a comma after "Oggy" (cute nickname, btw), and a hyphen after "Weasley twins" in that last sentence would really emphasize the difficulty of her decision. And kudos for using the word "vy," although I had to look it up to be sure, but the spelling should actually be "vie." It's a common mistake because of the word "vying." Apparently, there's an older spelling, "vye," but that isn't used much anymore. So. Fact of the day. *shrug*

Last paragraph, instead of "much to her dismay," you can swap that out to something with more punch and a better hook. "Whether she likes it or not" would be a good one. You can swap the comma for a hyphen before that, too, for emphasis, but it's fine to leave as a comma.

First chapter: 9/10
Okay, this is adorable. It's so natural. I can already see the hints you're dropping about the boys seeing Gwen in a different light, and about their teasing affecting her differently than it used to. They have this sweet friendship that's already a little awkward, and I know it will only get more awkward as the attraction grows. Mrs. Weasley is wonderful, as always, and it's interesting to see Ron in the background, just a side character of little importance in a world where he normally plays a pretty big part. The way he turns red when she kisses his forehead is just more cuteness and more indication of how she's matured. The little details about her cat are great, and I can hear her baby-talking to Midge. You're dropping lots of crumbs here about Gwen's past - with and without the Weasleys - and your use of dialect is really good. This is really clean, too. There are some minor errors I found - "auburn-haired" and "red-headed" should be hyphenated; you use "consultation" when you mean "consolation," I think there's an "a" that's supposed to be an "and" - that kind of thing. Like I said, minor, and you can catch them all with a quick proofread. And you close this out with a nice little cliff-hanger. A double cliff-hanger, really. What's happening now, and what happened in her past? Hm...guess I'll have to keep reading. 😉