In My Opinion

Beyond What Meets the Eye by jl5040

Title: Beyond What Meets The Eye by jl5040
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Teen Fiction
Subgenres: Action, Romance
Mature: Y (death, gore, guns, human trafficking, illicit drug use, loss of a loved one, murder, prescription drug abuse, prostitution, rape, sexual references, smoking, strong profanity, suicide, underage drinking, violence)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 36/40
Digging deeper: 94/100
Final thoughts: pending

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*****

First impressions: 36/40

Title: 10/10
This is a nice, ambiguous title which could apply to books of many genres, and it works very well with the plot of this book in particular.

Story description: 8/10
The content of the blurb is great. You introduce the main character, Mira, along with a brief overview of pertinent background information, ending with the plot conflict. Everything is just the right balance of telling enough to pique interest while holding enough back to maintain the mystery.

There are some grammatical errors, though, but they're not major. In the first sentence, I think a colon would work better than a semicolon, since what follows is a list of the reasons she seems to have everything. Also, "state's" should have an apostrophe because it's possessive. In the following sentence, I'd probably cut "from that" because it just feels a little clunky to me, and add a comma before "though." If you want to maintain symmetry with the first sentence, following "though" with a semicolon (or colon, if you switch it) would be a good idea, and then there should be "was" after "mother," and it should be "cut" instead of "cutting."

The rest of the blurb is good, though. You switch into the present tense at the end, but that makes sense, because the past tense sets the present tense up, bringing the reader through the past to the point where the story begins.

Cover: 10 /10
I've always liked this cover. The couple embracing or dancing in black formalwear at night, with potential snow or rain flurries between them and the camera, all works well to add to the mystique of the title. This is obviously a romance, but it isn't straightforward. The font choice, color, size, and placement are all perfect, and every piece of text is clearly visible. I especially like the red glowing cursive for "Beyond" and "Eye," which adds a nice pop of color to the mostly black cover, and together with the black formalwear, it adds a touch of elegance as well.

First chapter: 8/10
This is a strong start to the story. It basically covers the blurb in more detail, introducing the reader to Mira and the glaring contrast between what others see on the outside and what's really going on inside her. She's a teenage girl left to fend for herself since her mother died, showered with money and presents by a father who isn't present, struggling with detrimental coping mechanisms like parties and drugs while she tries to balance school and sports. You immediately make Mira a believable, relatable character with whom the reader can form an emotional connection.

There are some minor grammatical errors, here and throughout the story. Commas are a common problem, as are apostrophes in possessive nouns and punctuation and capitalization with dialogue tags. I already put inline comments where I found issues, and I'll continue doing that as I read, because I know these errors continue as the story progresses. But they're not major errors, and they don't detract from the story's readability.

*****

Digging deeper: 94/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.