In My Opinion

The Lab by MysticalElf08

Full title: The Lab by MysticalElf08
Source: Review request
Genre: Science Fiction
Mature: N (blood, death, guns, kidnapping, loss of a loved one, mild profanity, needles, violence)
Status: Ongoing
English usage: US
First impressions: 36/40
Digging deeper: 86/100
Final thoughts: pending

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

First impressions total: 36/40

Title: 10/10
If this title doesn't scream Sci Fi, I don't know what does. It's a title that leaves a lot of room for imagination, but for me, it triggers a sense of foreboding, so I expect The Lab to be a bad place. Which, judging by the blurb, it is.

Blurb/synopsis: 9/10
This sets the premise for the story up nicely. Not too much information, but just enough to introduce the main characters, the setting, and the basic plotline, and it's really clean, grammatically speaking, so all my suggestions here are nitpicking. Overall, this is a great blurb, and I can't wait to get reading.

Playing with sentence length and word choice in the first paragraph may increase the hook a bit, as short, snappy sentences can add more punch and heighten the intrigue level for the reader. In the second paragraph, there's some repetition where two sentences in a row start with the same word and similar age info ("At just four years old," "At a young age"), so I'd probably play with that, too. You could just cut the second instance. Also, clarification about "they" would be good, as we've had no subject introduced in this paragraph other than Jace and his parents, so it sounds like "they" could refer to his parents. Then in the last paragraph, I'd probably add "get" before "back to their homes." It just feels like it should be there to me.

See? Nitpicking. 😉

Cover: 10/10
This is a gorgeous cover. I'm not sure if it's the same cover the book had when you submitted it for review (sorry about the delay), but I love it. The neon blues work so well to enhance that Sci Fi feel from the title, and the dark silhouette of the winged girl makes me think "test-tube baby." The font you chose for the title would be too messy for a longer, more complex title, but readability is not an issue with this short, simple title in bright white, and your placement and size are perfect. And, of course, your name at the bottom is nicely done with a neat font that's easy to read but sized so as not to distract from the rest of the cover.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 7/10
Prologue: Oh, this is a great prologue. Having Kaitlyn introduce the story in her own words is a really effective way to pull the reader into her mind and her life right away. It feels like we're in her thoughts, listening as she mulls over and pulls together things like general parental instructions, her kidnapping, highlights of the horrors she's seen, and reflections on the good she experienced through this. Instant engagement and immersion. And I love the last sentence. It's really pointed and poignant. Again, this is very clean writing, but I do have a few suggestions to help polish this a little more.

In the second paragraph, I'd probably change "that" to "who." Generally, if you're referring to a person, you'll want to use something more personal and human than "that."

There's something weird going on with the formatting of the fourth paragraph. It's probably something that happened when you copied and pasted the story into Wattpad. Unfortunately, the only fix for these formatting issues is just to go through and double-check that Wattpad didn't mess anything up.

The first sentence of the last paragraph is tripping me up, and I think it's all to do with what comes before the comma. "Too though" doesn't feel right to me. Maybe use "But" at the start of the sentence and cut "though." Then, I'd probably change "were" to "have been," in keeping with the present tense throughout this chapter. And adding "moments" right after the comma would improve the flow, I think.