Interested in some constructive criticism? Want to know what awards I've judged? This is the place where I'm keeping track of informal feedback requests, detailed scoring for awards, full book reviews, and anything else of that nature. If you're int...
Full title: Artemis's Devotion by Harshywrites05 Source: 🅱🅾🅱🅰 🅶🆁🅰🅽🅳 🅰🆆🅰🆁🅳 by iloveboba1stacct Category: Best Male Lead (Artemis Vanderbilt) Mature: Y (strong profanity, off-screen rape, sexual innuendo) Status: Ongoing English usage: Non-native (Indian) Special note (rubric): The rubric provided for this award differed from what I normally use. I pasted it below. Special note (judging): I had 2 books from this category, and another judge (RahafEliwa) had 8 books. Special note (number of chapters read): Judges were required to read 5-10 chapters of each book. I read 5 chapters of this book and 10 chapters of the other book I judged. The reason for that is this book has 17 chapters, each taking approximately 10 minutes to read, and the author splits the POV pretty evenly between the male and female protagonists. The other book has 49 chapters, each taking approximately 5-6 minutes to read, and although the author splits the POV between the male and female protagonists, it's heavily weighted towards the female protagonist. Chapters will go by without the male protagonist even showing up. So, I decided reading another 5 chapters was only fair for the other book, given differences in chapter length and book length, and also to give more opportunity for more scenes from the male protagonist's POV and more opportunity for interaction with the female protagonist. Result: 28/50 for Artemis Vanderbilt
Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.
*****
Rubric: - Depth and complexity: 10 - Development and growth throughout the story: 10 - Believability and relatability of emotions: 10 - Impact on the overall narrative: 5 - Memorable traits or qualities: 5 - Judge's opinion: 10 Total: 50
*****
Male Lead: Artemis Vanderbilt Total: 28/50
Depth and complexity: 5/10 I know there's a language barrier here, since English isn't your native language, so I tried to keep that in mind while I read the first 5 chapters. So, to me, Artemis comes off a bit flat. I know he's a wealthy CEO of a company with a complicated dating history, and he's reached the point in his life where he wants something more substantial and lasting than just a fling. But those are all facts you list in the narrative, and getting past the facts to the man is difficult for me. I think it's because you do a lot of telling in the story as opposed to showing, if that makes sense. When you tell the details, we end up with info dumps scattered through the story where we pause the narration for a clinical description. When you show the story, the details are mixed and mingled with the narration and the dialogue, forcing the reader to interact more with the characters and make inferences by connecting the dots. I just have trouble getting past the bare facts about Artemis to learn more about who he is as a person.
Development and growth throughout the story: 7/10 That being said, there is definite growth here. At the beginning of the story, he was an entitled man who approached Rose like any other business deal - he did his research, and then he went and got her. At a party. When she was blackout drunk. Really, really creepy. I did not like him at all. Then, when she woke up in his mansion, and he was sitting there watching her - in his boxers? Yuck. So, so creepy. I don't know why Rose gave him a chance after that, but she did, and he quickly learned that she had her own rules, and he had to follow them. He put in the effort to stop forcing things on her and started letting her tell him what she wanted. That's definite growth from crazy stalker man to attentive friend.
Believability and relatability of emotions: 5/10 Another bit of growth, I think, is his anger, but you don't explore this as well. It seems like he's prone to outbursts of anger at the beginning of the story, but that bothers Rose, so he puts in the effort to better control his anger. He's also really impulsive. I mean, clearly. He sees a woman at a party, decides he wants her, and then has his assistant research her and deliver a file to his desk about her? Yeah, that's impulsive. His sexual desire for her is really clear, too, and, on a purely physical level, I can understand that. But making the leap from sexual attraction and impulse to caring for her is a bit of a leap for me. It happens, but it's hard to see why.
Impact on the overall narrative: 5/5 He's kind of driving the story here, so obviously, he's making an impact.
Memorable traits or qualities: 5/5 I think I'll have a hard time forgetting him, purely because of the scene where she wakes up in his mansion in a nightgown and he's sitting there watching her in his boxers. Unfortunately, that's not a good memory, but taking all the traits and qualities I've listed above, the negatives make him much more memorable than the positives.
Judge's opinion: 1/10 Sorry, Artemis, but I don't like you. You're creepy.
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