Scared to love

Chloë's POV

I run to my room and sit against the closed door. God I can't believe I just lashed out at them like that. They weren't meant to know that I was struggling and now I just basically threw it in their faces. Because I'm feeling so ashamed, I don't come out of my room until a little before dinner. I leave the house in my uniform because I have to work again this night but go earlier so I can grab some dinner on the way. "You look even worse than yesterday", Amelia says after looking me up and down. "I know", is all I reply. She squints her eyes at me and takes my arm. "Chloë, what happened?", she asks me sternly. "And then I said that I wouldn't be a good mother anyway", I say through tears, telling her the whole story. "Oh come on C, you're such a good woman, why do you always think so little of yourself", she sighs while hugging me. "Because I can barely take care of myself let alone a little me", I sob. "Can I remind you that you're paying the bills for four people while barely earning anything? I also clearly remember you telling me that you had to teach all of them everything so that's basically like being a parent to three grown up men. You don't take care of just yourself, you also take care of them, you need to remember that. If you dare call yourself not good enough once more I swear I'm going to hit you", she rants, making me laugh a little.

After I calmed down and cleaned myself up, I go to the bar and start working. This night, it's only 4 a.m. and I just got home. I watch the house from inside my car and start crying again. I cry my heart out in my car since no one can hear me there anyway before going inside. When I get into my room, I have a weird feeling. I look around but don't really see anything so I decide to not pay any more attention to it and just go to bed. I wake up the next morning and my head hurts from all the crying. I also still have the weird feeling so I look around my room again, still not seeing anything. I'm really looking into each drawer and closet but nothing is gone, or added for that matter. Everything is exactly the same yet the feeling doesn't want to go away. I go downstairs and take something for the headache but when I look around, the boys aren't there. I look at the calender and notice it saying 'Sunday' so I check my phone just in case, still Sunday. I rush back upstairs to look if Owen is there but he isn't. I open Jake's room, which is empty, before going to the attic, also empty. I go back downstairs, looking for a note yet nothing there. No boys, no note, no message on my phone, nothing, just me and the feeling that is still eating me.

I start crying again, thinking that they left me, just like everybody else did in my life. I'm sitting on the ground, shaking and crying for I don't know how long. I suddenly feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me, trying to stop the shaking. I can't make out who it is through my tears that don't seem to stop. "I got you angel", I make out at some point. It's Jake, he's back, does that mean that they're all back? I grab his arm and try to pull him as close as possible. I know he's sitting down too because of the way he's holding me but he still feels so far away. I think he notices because he hauls me onto his lap and gives me the tightest hug he can possibly give. "I'm sorry angel, I'm so sorry. Please stop crying baby, calm down a little", he whispers. I hear his voice crack, making it obvious he's holding back tears. "I thought you left", I manage to get out while sobbing. "I didn't, we didn't angel, we're all here", he replies while rubbing my back. Suddenly I feel someone tugging on my hair. "Don't hurt your aunt Owen, stop tugging", Dakota panicked voice says. "Dakota?", I sob. "I'm here C", he responds. "Matthew are you here too?" "Present", he replies. "And Owen is back too", Dakota says. I let Jake go and look at his face for the first time since he's holding me. I look at the other guys, who are also sitting on the floor, one by one. Dakota has his little me sitting on his lap but the kid seems to want to come to me for some reason. Dakota slides closer and I put my hand out to Owen. He takes one of my fingers in his little hands and smiles at me.