stars will fall - byler

.31

it took me a while to realize there was knocking coming from my door until my mom walked in and saw me sitting at the edge of my bed, staring into the wall. she wore a long, black dress with short sleeves.
-"it's time to go."
-"i'll be down." i mumbled softly under my breath, avoiding eye contact with her. she shut my door and i took a deep breath before standing up and looking in the mirror. it was hard to even look at myself.. i couldn't stand the sight of my face anymore.

i walked downstairs as my whole family watched from the front door. even nancy came down for the funeral, but i hadn't noticed because this is one of the first times i've left my room.
i glared at all of them blankly as they looked like they were waiting for me to say something.
-"let's go." i cleared my throat and watched as my father opened the front door. i followed them outside and walked to the backseat of the car.

the sound of the quiet music from the radio was drowned out by my empty mind. it was like everything and everyone was moving in slow motion.  nothing around me felt real. it was like i was looking at the world through a glass wall. and it was worse when i got out of the car. everyone was staring at me when we walked to the church. i separated myself from my family when i saw my friends approaching me all together. i haven't seen them since that day at school.. they all know about will and i. i saw el approaching from behind them and instead of giving me a look of betrayal, she looked sympathetic. she walked up and hugged me tightly, not saying a word. she hasn't talked to me either since that day, but i don't blame her.
i walked up the isle with them and sat in the front seats, the left side from Will's family. i looked over and saw jonathan a complete mess while hugging nancy. and of course, lonnie was unbothered while laughing and catching up with old friends.
there was only one thing stopping me from going over and killing him..
what would will do?

i watched as jonathan walked up to the podium beside wills casket, his eyes fully swollen with tears. we took our seats and i watched him closely, feeling sympathetic for him.. he's lost two of the most important people in his life. i couldn't ever imagine that.

-"Will had such huge plans for the future. he wanted to go to new york to become a comic book artist.. thats been his dream for as long as i can remember. i hope he still held onto that dream because before he died, we lost touch. we became distant of each other with the grief of our mother. i really wish him and i would've fixed our relationship before all of this.. when he was a kid and he'd scrape his knee or needed help with homework, he'd always come to me. he always came to me for help.. but that all stopped once he grew up. i should've tried harder to get him to open up to me." he began to cry, making everyone around tear up.

as jonathan spoke, i started to feel things for the first time since that day.. it started to hit me.
will is really gone. he's never coming back.. i'm never going to see him again.

-"but he knew i loved him. i hope he does. and now, him and my mother are together and i'm going to live out his dream. for the three of us."

those beautiful green eyes of his will never look into mine again.. i'll never get to feel the warmth of holding him in my arms again. i'll never feel the melting sensation in my heart when kissing him. i'm never going to hear his laugh again. it's all gone.

-"thank you." he mumbled before stepping off of the podium. i was shocked to see lonnie stepping up and walking to speak. i wanted to break down crying at this moment, but i just had to hear what he had to say first.

-"i thank everyone who made it today, i know Will would be happy to see the turnout. i just wanted everyone to know how proud i was of my son."

was he fucking kidding?

-"we never had the strong relationship he had with his mother, but i loved him. and he was a great kid, despite all of the things going around right now.." he made eye contact with me.
there's no way he just said that.. did he really just say that? i felt eyes burning into my back after he said that because everyone knew what he was talking about. hearing what he was saying turned my sorrow into anger. it was getting really hard to contain myself from running up there and beating the shit out of him.. but when the tears from my eyes started flowing down like a waterfall, i couldn't bare to hear anymore. i stood up and quickly scooted past everyone, hearing gasps and silence when i walked down the hall and pushed open the church doors.