stars will fall - byler

.39

"don't go there, mike.." will reached out to me as my back faced him. i ran my hands through my hair, tears streaming down my face as i tried to comprehend what i had done.
will was gone because of me. i killed him. i'm a murderer.
-"why are you here? seriously, i did this to you!" i flip around to face him.
-"stop."
-"i fucking killed you! why are you still here?!"
-"because i love you." will pressed his hands against my face with tears glistening in his eyes as he looked up at me. i took his hands and brushed them off as i took a step back.
-"why? seriously. God, what the fuck!" i sobbed, leaning against the wall.
-"why don't you hate me? i do, i do so fucking much.. please, will i'm so sorry!" i sunk to the ground, hugging my knees and slamming the back of my head into the wall. will kneeled down in front of me and forced me to look at him.
-"nothing you do will ever be unforgivable to me."
i looked at him and for the first time, i felt like everything in my body was slipping away. my body felt so empty and light and my sobs died down.

-"why can't anyone see you but me?" i asked him, remembering the events of last night. will just stared into my eyes blankly, i was unsure he heard me. but before i could repeat my question, there was a knock at my door. i blinked when my door opened and will was gone. i looked around, not even acknowledging my worried mother at my door.
-"honey?"
-"where did he go?" i stood up from the ground and searched my room frantically.
-"who, michael?" she worriedly asked as i rummaged through my closet and my bathroom. as i was about to leave my room she grabbed onto my shoulders and snapped me into reality.
-"michael!"
-"what?"
-"we need to talk, please. just sit down." she pointed towards the bed. she shut the door as i hesitated to sit down at the end of my mattress.
-"have you been hearing will?"
when she asked this, my heart sunk.
-"what?"
-"have you been seeing will? and hearing him?"
-"mom, he's here. he was just here. do you not see him here all the time?" i asked her as if she was stupid.
-"honey.. i really think it's a good idea to go see a psychiatrist."
-"what?" i scoffed.
-"i think you might be dealing with something.. i don't want you to do it alone."
-"what are you talking about, mom? i'm not crazy!" i jumped up from my bed.
-"i'm not saying you are, honey! you're just grieving.. and i'm worried you might be dealing with schizophrenia. remember your uncle?"
-"that's different! i'm not like him, will is here!"
-"michael, will is gone." she snapped firmly.
-"no."
-"he's dead. i know this is hard-"
-"you don't know anything!" i shouted, stunning her.
-"i know that you've been seeing things that aren't here. you can't separate hallucinations from reality and i'm not letting you go down this path any longer!" she assured me.
-"but he is here! you have to believe me, mom! he's here, he was just here!" i yelled, but i saw it in her eyes that she didn't believe me.
-"we should really go.." she took my hand but i pulled it away.
-"go where?!"
-"i'm taking you to get help." she grabbed my wrist but i snatched it away. i ran past her and bolted down the stairs. my father stood at the door and blocked my way out.
-"get out of my way." i ordered, trying to stay calm.
-"michael, you need to accept that you need help." my father said from in front of me.
-"i don't need help!" i shouted.
-"listen, i know it's hard to hear. but will is gone and believe me, i wish i could take all of that pain from you. i really do.. but i can't. you need to find healthier ways to cope." my mom pressed her hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes softly.
-"i'm not fucking crazy, mom! he's here! he was here and he's been here!" i exclaimed but they continued to look at me like i was delusional. i shoved my father out of the doorway and stormed out of the house, hearing my mom yelling my name from behind me. but i didn't listen. instead, i locked myself in my car and drove. i didn't even know where i was going, i just drove. i drove with extreme rage, it was dangerous for me to be on the road this fast but it didn't alert me anymore. i prayed that i'd crash. i wasn't wearing a seatbelt on purpose, i was hoping i'd loose control and crash into a tree or something. will wasn't here to stop me from doing it, i truly considered it. but then i thought about my friends. they lost will, they can't loose me too.
i have to stay, if not for me.. for them.