stars will fall - byler

.32

i turned around and sat up in my bed when i saw what was behind me. i wave of relief washed over me and i let out a shaky deep breath, a soft smile turning the corners of my lips.
"will."
i couldn't believe what i was seeing. will was standing before me.. he looked the exact same.
it was him. i turned my body around to face him on the bed as he sat down at my desk chair, facing me.
-"are you real?" my shaken voice spoke quietly.
-"do you think i am?"
i analyzed him more, he had color in his face, he had the same sparkle in his eye, and there wasn't a gash into the side of his head.
-"yeah."
-"then i am."
-"but you died.."
-"i did." he confirmed.
-"then how are you here? why are you here?" i furrowed my eyebrows, tears forming in my eyes.
-"because you want me here."

i do. i truly do, more than anything. this felt like a dream, i felt like i was about to wake up any second.

-"what's wrong?" a smile grew into his face, spreading onto mine. i never thought i'd see that smile again.. am i in heaven?

-"nothing.." i shook my head. he stood up and walked over to me, scaring me at first. he sat down next to me and proceeded to press his freezing cold hands onto my arm.
-"i'm here now, mike.. i'm here." he assured me. when i realized i could touch him and he wasn't just a ghost, i hugged him tightly, refusing to let go. i held him for dear life..
-"i'm so sorry, will. please know that.. i love you. i love you so much, please don't hate me." i sobbed, looking into his eyes. he let go of my hands and pressed both of them against my face.
-"i could never hate you." he whispered before we both laid down. he let me lay my head on his chest as he rubbed my back, but the only thing missing in this moment was his warmth. but that didn't matter, i have will back. he's not dead, he's here with me right now. and for the first time since that day, i was able to get some sleep.

THE NEXT MORNING

my eyes slowly started to open and i realized i had fallen asleep. i lifted my head and realized will was no longer here. i checked my watch and saw it was 7:31 am. i sat up from my bed, assuming he was in the bathroom. but when i went over, it was empty. i searched around the whole house for him.
no sign of him anywhere.

-"what are you doing up, sweetie?" my mother asked from the dinner table, eating breakfast with my father.
-"are you going to school today?" he asked.
-"no, you don't have to if you're not ready." she assured me.
maybe will got up a little early to go to school, he always did like to leave early for class to study. a soft smile lifted on my face as i nodded.
-"i'll go today."
i walked up the stairs and threw on some clothes, fixing my hair for the first time this week and brushing my teeth.

i was ready at about 7:45, just in time to leave. i walked downstairs and saw my mom at the door, looking worried.
-"honey, are you okay? are you sure you want to go today?" she asked.
-"yes, i'm fine. i'll see you later, mom." i smiled as i tossed my bag over my back, exiting through the door.
i got in my car and took a deep breath, ready to take on the day.

but when i got there, i was slapped across the face with reality. everyone was talking about me. everyone was staring at me and i knew why. i could feel eyes on me as i was facing my locker, but when i turned around everyone resumed to their lives.
but i didn't care anymore. i want to be with will, so it doesn't matter to me. all that matters is him.
-"hey, man! you're back." lucas came up from behind me, smiling to greet me.
-"yeah." i smiled while holding my books and shutting my locker, waiting.
-"are you coming?"
-"oh, i'm just waiting for will." i nodded, softly smiling. his facial expression dropped and he looked confused.
-"what?"
-"i'm going to walk to class with him?" i furrow my eyebrows.
-"mike.. are you okay? do you need to lie down?" he approached me, gripping onto my shoulder.
i looked at him and saw his eyes were slightly glistening with tears. now i was confused.

was last night dream? but it felt so real.. it couldn't have been a dream. but then why was he looking at me like that?

-"sorry.. let's go." i shook my head and focused my gaze onto the ground as i walked ahead of him. i felt embarrassed that i believed it was real.. but it just felt so vivid.
when i sat down in class, everyone becoming silent when they saw me. i felt extremely uncomfortable to be here suddenly. everyone was watching me, it was unsettling..

...

lunch was the worst part of the day. all of my friends were there and they didn't know how to act.. they didn't want to seem happy around me so they were mostly quiet. all i could think about how will wasn't there. that's all i noticed. at least i've made it this far into the day. just 3 more periods and i can go home.

i shut my locker and looked over at wills locker to waiting for him. but then i remembered i'd be waiting forever.. because he's gone.

i saw will from afar at his locker. i unfolded the test from my pocket as i approached him and i reached over his shoulders, shoving it in his face.
-"i passed!"
-"that's great, i'm proud of you!" he admired me, rubbing my shoulder.
-"thanks for helping me study." i shoved the paper back in my bag.
-"of course, any time." he shut his locker and began walking with me down the hallway.
-"really? great, you know that english test coming up?" i joked.
-"ugh, how many times do i have to help you study?" he complained.
-"you said anytime!"
-"i didn't mean that literally!" he laughed. i analyzed his outfit today, recognizing the shirt he was wearing.
-"is that mine?"
-"maybe.." he giggled, making my stomach flutter. i look around us, seeing all the people surrounding. i leaned over towards his ear and covered my mouth with my hand.
-"i really wish i could kiss you right now." i whispered.
he gazed at me with a mischievous grin, looking back and fourth between me and the classroom.
-"meet me in the av room?" he suggested.
-"now?"
-"mhm." he nodded.
i laughed as i walked the opposite direction and left him behind to go to class.

-"hey, you okay?" i heard dustin from behind me. i stopped leaning on the lockers when i realized i had been staring at wills locker for this whole time.
-"yeah." i nodded before walking down the hallway with him to class, snapping back to reality.

but when i sat down in my desk, i looked over and saw that the only empty seat was wills. the only one. it shouldn't have been. will should be in this seat right now next to me, helping me do my work. he should be in school, learning. not six feet under fucking ground.

i immediately stood up before the teacher could even say anything and rushed out the door, hearing murmurs behind me but i didn't stop to listen. i felt tears filling my eyes as i jogged down the hallway and headed towards the men's room.
i dropped my bag on the ground and slammed my hands against the sink, holding back cries.
they streamed down my face the more i thought of will. the way he used to look at me with heart eyes, the way he'd always make sure i knew i was loved..
i broke his heart and he died thinking i didn't love him. i don't deserve to be here.
i wish i could take his place.
-"don't cry, mike.."
i looked up and softly gasped when i saw will standing behind me in my reflection. if it wasn't a dream, then why is he here now?
i looked down at my shaking hands as tears streamed down my face.
-"it's so hard.." my voice cracked as i turned around to face him.
-"i know.. i know it's hard." he moved my hair from my eyes and ran his hands over my shoulders.
-"i can't do this, will. i really can't.." i cried.
-"yes you can. i promise, you can." he shook me slightly, softly smiling at me. he rested his head against mine as tears continued to stream down my cheeks.

"you're going to be okay."