stars will fall - byler

.2

November 18th, 1986 | 10:46 am
~ St. Nicholas Church || Hawkins, Indiana ~
2 years ago..

i stood on the stand in front of all of my friends and family, my hands shaking uncontrollably as i held my mothers eulogy. i struggled to get any words out without tears falling.
-"my name is Will Byers and joyce was my mother." i began, already feeling the lump in my throat form. i looked over at my brother and father in the front as well as hopper and el. they were all a mess, all except my father. he looked like he couldn't give a shit less.
-"my mom was special. she was different from all the other moms. she gave me and my brother the world. she gave us everything she never had growing up. she dedicated her life to her family and and making sure we were supported and loved at all times.." my voice began to crack. i looked up from my paper and out to my friends. my eyes met mikes, his eyes full of sympathy and sorrow.
i almost lost it right then and there.
-"there was never a time i doubted my moms love for me. i wish i could've held her longer the last time i hugged her. if i had known it was the last time i never would've let go of her." i held my hand over my mouth as i held back sobs from slipping out. i took in a deep breath, wiping my tear and continuing to read.
-"i can't stop thinking about the last words she said to me. i had just failed an important exam for school and i was really disappointed in myself. my mother told me.. 'you can't be so hard on yourself. you are an amazing kid and i'm so proud of you. just keep trying your hardest and never give up. you will succeed. you got this." my voice cracked as i read that last line, thinking about our last moments. i wanted to step off the stage and break down crying. i looked over at my moms closed casket, the flowers on top brightly colored.
-"i will forever continue to live for her. i will continue to try my hardest. i will continue to succeed, and i will continue to make her proud until the day death brings us together again." my voice cracked as i read the last few lines of the paper before i looked up to my brother. he was crying on nancy's shoulder as he looked up at me.
-"thank you." i smiled with tears flowing down my face before folding up the paper and putting it in my pocket. clapping filled the church as i stepped down to my brother, hugging him tightly while sobbing.

after everyone left the service, i stayed behind. i sat at the benches in front of my moms casket. i couldn't bring myself to leave. i couldn't even move, my body was paralyzed onto the seat.
i just couldn't believe she was gone. she was my best friend.. and some stupid reckless driver crashed into her and he gets to live, but my mom doesn't. it's not fair. why did she have to go so soon? she's never going to see me graduate or get married.. or meet my future children. she's missing everything. i didn't want to leave because i knew this was the last time i'd be with her.
as i was staring at the casket, i felt the presence of someone walking next to me and sitting down by my side. i looked over and saw mike, staring ahead where i was looking. he looked over and we made brief eye contact before i looked down when i felt his hand on mine. i interlocked my fingers with his, needing the sense of comfort. he looked back up into my eyes, not speaking with words. but i knew what he was thinking with his eyes. i slowly began to break down crying before he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in closer. i rested my head on his shoulder while tears flooded my face, uncontrollably sobbing and shaking. this all doesn't feel real.
i wish this was a dream. a really bad dream.

•••

after i left the church, i got redressed and sat on my bed while fidgeting with my hands as i held back tears. Hopper kept our old house, so my dad had to buy one with my mom's death benefit money. it was a piece of shit in the old trailer park. Jonathan decided to transfer to Hawkins Community after mom died so he could be with me. he knew it wasn't a good idea to let me live alone with our dad. i wish Hopper would've gotten custody of me instead of my dad, but i didn't get to choose. my dad refused to let him have me.
i looked up from my hands when i heard my bedroom door opening and my eyes met jonathan's.
-"hey, are you all settled in?" he began to walk inside, sitting at the edge of my bed.
-"yeah, i think so." i responded dryly.
i felt a lump building in my throat as we sat there in silence, thinking the same thing.
-"i know this is hard, will. it is for me, too. we just have to be there for each other. it's what mom would've wanted, right?" he placed his hand on my knee as i began crying again, wiping my tears as i looked up at him.
-"right."
he pulled me into his arms, both of us quietly crying over each other's shoulders. i can't believe all of this is happening. it's all happening too fast.
this is really my life now..