stars will fall - byler

.33

i watched as will parked his car in my driveway through my upstairs window. i ran down the stairs and rushed to the door before he could even get out of his car.
he stepped out and i immediately hugged him, spinning him around in the air excitedly as he laughed in my ear.
-"you missed me?" he asked once i let him down.
-"of course i missed you. how was the visit with your mom?" i asked while running my hands up his shoulder.
-"so great." he smiled up at me, leaning in slowly for a kiss. i pressed my hand against the side of his face to deepen the kiss, but when i reached for his waist something was happening to him. i opened my eyes and looked as his body turned to dust and he vanished into thin air. everything around me turned black. nothing but darkness, not a sign of life in sight.
-"will? will!" i called out while running around.
there was no end to the darkness, no escape. just a, dark, echoing, endless cave of nothingness.
-"will!!" i screamed on the top of my lungs.
my breathing quickened and became heavier as i began to panic, but when i started to hear something else around me.. something that sounded like breathing. when i realized it wasn't my breathing, i held my breath and heard it coming from behind me. i slowly turned around and became face to face with troy.
-"he's gone." troys distorted voice echoed through the void.
-"what?" i mumbled.
-"will is dead. he's gone." he firmly rephrased.
-"no.."
-"he killed himself."
-"no he didn't."
-"you drove will to suicide. you killed him."
-"you're a liar." my voice cracked as he slowly walked closer to me.
-"if you weren't such a shitty boyfriend he'd still be here.." he growled.
-"you're lying. the police say he drowned.. he didn't kill himself. he'd never do that." i frantically stuttered.
-"just accept it, mike. you need to accept that he is gone."
he walked closer to me, just inches away. he left very little space between us as he glared down into my eyes.
-"say it." he muttered.
-"stop.."
-"say it, mike."
-"i won't."
-"say it! say you killed him!"
-"go away!" i screamed on the top of my lungs.
-"you fucking murder!" he screamed back frantically.

i gasped for air, waking up in a cold sweat. i looked around me frantically as if i wasn't alone in the room. i checked my watch and saw it was 1 pm. i had slept all day long. i jumped out of bed and rushed around the house, trying to find either of my parents but they weren't anywhere in sight.
-"what are you doing?" holly asked from the living room.
-"where's mom and dad?" i asked, out of breath.
-"uh, work? it's saturday."
-"it is?"
-"why are you sweating so much?"
i wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and saw droplets of sweat dripping down my arm. i walked away and stormed to the kitchen, feeling overwhelmingly lightheaded. my headache was excruciatingly painful and i dug around the kitchen for tylenol but it was nowhere. i tore the kitchen cabinets apart looking for the pills, trying to distract myself from thinking about the terrorizing dream i previously had.

-"what are you doing, mike?" hollys voice spooked me from behind the counter. i swung around, accidentally dropping a glass bottle onto the ground. the sight of it shattering at my feet was so surreal.. it felt like i was looking at the world outside my own body.. the feeling made me sick. i stepped over the glass and ran upstairs, locking myself in my bathroom. i opened the mirror cabinet and saw the bottle of tylenol sitting at the top. i reached for it, dropping two capsules in my hand and dry swallowing them before placing the bottle in its original place and shutting the cabinet. i slightly jumped when i saw will in the reflection behind me.
-"why are you acting this way?" he reached his hand out onto my shoulder. i turned around to face him, smiling as i looked into his eyes but the question took a while for me to register.
-"what?"
-"you're spiraling, mike. you need to relax." he whispered.
-"how can i? seriously, how is it possible to relax when you're not here?!" i snapped.
-"i am here.." he gripped onto the back of my neck, forcing me to look at him with tears in my eyes.
-"will.. can i ask you something?"
-"anything."
-"did you kill yourself?"

his face didn't shift in the slightest. he had no emotion as he heard my question, i almost started to doubt if he even heard what i asked.
-"no, i didn't." he shook his head.
-"can you tell me what happened?" i proceeded to ask. this was when he started to look nervous. he looked down at his feet and pulled his arms off of my shoulders, placing them by his side.
-"that probably isn't a good idea."
-"why not?"
-"you're not ready to know." he looked up at me.
-"yes i am, will! i need to know! show me!"
-"you don't want to know, trust me." 
-"i have to know, will! i need to know that it's not my fault.." my voice cracked.
-"it's not your fault, mike. i promise." he walked closer to me, pressing both of his cold hands on my cheeks.
-"then why won't you just tell me?" i whispered, tears flooding my eyes. i blinked and they fell slowly down my cheeks. he took his thumbs and wiped them away for me, looking at me with such a deeply painful smile.
-"i know you, mike. better than anyone. i don't want you to go out and do something irrational."
-"did someone do this to you? just tell me who, will. i swear, i won't do anything. i just have to know!" i
begged.
-"mike, stop." he grabbed both of my hands, holding them together in his. he kissed my thumb and looked at me with such loving eyes.
-"just stop thinking about it.. you have a show tonight. worry about that, you haven't practiced since.."
-"i know.. i'll get a few minutes in before then." i nodded.
-"do you promise?" he whispered softly with his face just inches from mine. the chillness of his body spreaded to me, giving me goosebumps.
-"i promise."
i looked down at his lips.. his soft, light pink lips that i haven't touched in what felt like ages. i slowly hesitated to lean in, eventually pressing my lips against his. it was so different yet so familiar to kiss him again.. he slowly kissed me, seeming like he was holding back. i pulled away and saw the look on his face, and i knew it was time for him to go.

•••

my hands were shaking as i picked up my guitar, throwing it over my head as i stood on stage.
-"hey, you sure you can do this?" max whispered, patting my back.
-"yeah.. i'm good." i forced a smile and watched as she turned away. but that was a lie, i wasn't good. i was a mess. i couldn't do anything right in my garage earlier, i'm going to mess this whole thing up. i'm going to ruin the show.
just as we were starting, my eyes met a familiar face in the crowd. Wills face.
the smile he gave me was what encouraged me to do this.
i can do this.
he's right here with me, i got this..

and i did. i played just like i used to and for the first time since wills death i was proud of myself. clapping and cheering filled the bar after we finished the song. my teammates were ecstatic, surprised by my performance. as was i.
-"you were amazing, mike." robin slapped my back as we turned and began walking backstage. when i turned my head to the crowd to look for the same face, it wasnt looking back at me. i scanned the whole room as fast as i could before disappearing behind the wall but i didn't see him.
but he was here.. but why didn't anyone react to his presence?
did nobody else see him?