stars will fall - byler

.9

it was an extremely long and awkward car ride home. nobody said a word. i was still in disbelief that mike had outed me to all of my friends. not even max knew i was gay and she's my best friend. now everyone knew. well, all except for dustin because he was still sleeping while all of this happened, but i could tell he sensed tension.
i had dropped off almost all of my friends when i arrived in hawkins. all i had to do was drop off max and mike and then i have to go home.

i pulled into cherry road and drove my car down the street, parking behind billy's car and unlocking the door for her.
-"hey, we'll talk later.. okay?" max whispered, patting her hand on mine. i nodded and watched as she stepped out of my car and began walking towards her house.
i turned down the road and began heading into town when i heard mikes voice from the backseat.
-"hey, will?"

please don't apologize.
please don't apologize.

-"what?" i responded flatly.
-"can you drop me off at els.. please?"

great. just great. i have to go all the way across town just to drop him off at his fucking girlfriends.
i turned my car around and began heading the opposite direction of his house.

when i got there, i suddenly felt a pit in my stomach. i haven't been at this house in years.
not since my mom..
i just stared ahead at the house as a bunch of memories came back. 15 years of my life were spent in this house.
i felt tears building up as mike got out of the car. as soon as he opened the front door of the house, i started breaking down. i placed my head against the steering wheel, uncontrollably sobbing. all of my pain that i kept bottled up was spilling out all at once and i couldn't stop them. i wanted mike to be jealous, but i didn't expect for all of that to happen.
i just wanted him to notice me.
i just want him, is that so much to ask for? i just want the feeling of him hugging me and telling me that everything's going to be okay.
maybe if i was a girl he would want me too.

...

i threw my backpack over my back after composing myself and i began to walk up the steps of my house. when i opened the door, i was greeted by my father in the living room.
-"where the hell have you been?!" he shouted when i shut the door.
i looked over at my brother in the kitchen, he was just as confused as i was.
-"what are you talking about?" i mumbled.
-"you think you can just disappear for days without telling anyone?!"
-"dad, you know where he was!" jonathan yelled from the kitchen.
-"yeah, i told you i was going camping.." i fearfully mumbled, seeing the drunken rage in his eyes.
-"bullshit! give me your keys." he held his hand out in front of me.
-"what?"
-"i said give me your fucking keys!" he reached for my arm but i pulled away before he could grab them. i darted for the hallway to get to my bedroom but he pulled me back by my backpack and shoved me into the wall.
-"dad, stop!" jonathan shoved him but dad just nudged him away. he took me by the wrist and yanked the keys from my hands.
-"i didn't do anything!" i yelled, tears filling my eyes.
-"don't fucking cry, now. God, i thought you grew out of your little queer phase." he hissed.
-"dad, leave him alone." jonathan yelled, but of course my dad didn't listen.
-"quit crying and man up. i didn't raise you to be such a pussy."

there was that word again.

-"you're drunk." i mumbled, my breath shaking and lips trembling in fear.
-"you're grounded, don't come out of your room." he dragged me by my bag and shoved me in the room, shutting it behind me.
i sat against my bed, letting tears stream down my face. i absolutely despise my father.
i can't wait until i can leave this house. i wish my mother was here.

i laid in bed all day long. i didn't even come out for dinner. i slept most of the day to escape crying for hours and hours, but when i woke up all i did was cry. i sat in my bed, blankets covering me and hugging my pillow when i heard my door creaking open. my heart sank when i felt someone's presence in my room. i prayed it wasn't my dad. i let out a soft sigh of relief when i turned around and saw jonathan
-"hey.. i brought you dinner." he placed a plate at my night stand and then reached for his pockets. he pulled out my keys and tossed them to me.
-"i'm sorry about dad, he's just drunk. he worked multiple shifts this week." he mentioned to me.
-"thank you.." i took my keys and placed them by my side. jonathan slowly walked over to my bed, sitting at the edge next to me. he looked me in my eyes and it was like nothing needed to be said.
he hugged me, letting me cry over his shoulder. he squeezed me tight, refusing to let go.
-"i miss mom." i whispered tearfully.
-"i know.. i do too." he sniffled.

- Mikes POV -

i walk inside the front door, seeing el inside the living room when i entered. i shut the door as she ran into my arms, hugging me tightly. i lifted her from the ground as she excitedly squealed.
-"i've missed you so much!" she laughed.
-"i missed you too."
-"how was it? did you guys have fun?"
-"yeah.. yeah it was great." i stammered, thinking about the events that had happened last night. she grabbed my hand and took me to the living room, cuddling up with me on the couch.
i actually haven't been able to stop thinking about it. i didn't get much sleep after what Will said.
i really fucked up when i told everyone what he was doing. it's not like we all don't know he's gay, because we do. we've always known, he just hasn't talked about it or officially came out as gay.
now he hates me and i honestly deserve it. i'm such a piece of shit for doing that.
-"you okay?" i heard el whisper from on my chest.
-"yeah." i nodded, giving her a soft smile and a kiss on the head before she laid back on my chest.

before i knew who he was kissing, i honestly felt a little jealous. but why? wills is my best friend, what is their to be jealous of?
i looked down at el and suddenly all of this felt wrong. it felt wrong to be here.. i wanted to be with will.
but he hates me.
so i have to hate him too.