stars will fall - byler

.29

i sat at the end of jonathan's bed, watching him sleep. he looked so peaceful in this moment, i didn't want to wake him up. i just couldn't stop thinking about how much he did for me growing up. in a way, he was like a father figure to me my whole childhood. he took me to places i wanted to go to, he taught me independence, he taught me what love was.. and what it feels like. he sacrificed so much for me, both him and my mother.
i cant look at jonathan without seeing her. they're so much alike, it's like she's reliving in his soul. i know mom would be so, so proud of him if she were here right now.

-"will, what are you doing?" he mumbled, seemingly waking up.
-"i'll be back soon, i'm going to go for a walk.." i whispered while placing my hand on his leg.
-"be careful." he nodded and adjusted his head away from me, falling back asleep.
after a few moments of analyzing him, i stood up from his bed and tip toed my way out of his room, trying my best to be quiet.

i picked up a jacket that hung on a rack in my bedroom, but the scent of it quickly washed over me and hit me like a bus..

-"we can't go, it's raining!" i laughed as he dragged me out the front door.
-"the rain is fun!" he forced me out, taking my hands as i felt the rain soaking me instantly.
-"mike, what are you doing?" i snickered as he ran away towards the curb of the street and started splashing in the rain puddles, ruining his shoes and pants with the muddy water.
-"oh, come on! cant you be fun for once?"
-"i'm not fun?" i shrieked.
-"no!"
i giggled while running up to him, jumping up on his back. i laughed as he spun me around, carrying me over his back with the rain still pouring down on us. i dragged him down towards the grass, making us both wheeze of laughter from the weird noise he let out from the contact with the ground. we laid there, turning over on our backs when the rain had died down to a light sprinkle.
-"hey, will?"
-"what?"
-"i love you." he mumbled quieter. i looked over and saw the admiration and warmth in his eyes, it brought me a sense of comfort to know how loved i was.
-"you've mentioned." i grinned widely as he scooted closer while taking off his jacket, noticing my shivering lip. i sat up as he put it over me, looking me in the eyes with tiny rain drops soaked in his long eyelashes. he wiped the wet hair from my eyes and rubbed the side of my face with his thumb. his lips slowly grew into a soft smile.
-"why are you smiling?" i ask.
-"am i not allowed to?"
-"no, you are! i'm just curious if there's a particular reason." i laughed.
-"you. i could look at you forever and never get tired of those beautiful eyes.." he ran his fingers through my hair, moving it behind my ears.
-"why are you acting so sappy?" i laughed.
-"im sorry.." he laughed. "you're just everything to me."
-"everything?"
-"yeah. you will never be anything less than everything from me."

my heart felt so full in this moment, i never thought i'd be so loved by one person before.
i wish everyone knew how this felt.. how it feels to be unconditionally, undeniably loved.

tears fell from my eyes as i stood in the middle of my room, thinking back. i quickly wiped them and realized i was smiling. i cleared my throat and begun walking down the hallway towards the front door.
i walked in the backyard and began heading towards the woods behind my house through a familiar path. the sun was nearly done setting and the forest was hard to see through, but the dimness of the night really set the mood for me. it made everything feel more vivid and peaceful.

i stopped walking when i saw i was in front of the river, the water moving abnormally fast. i could see the moon reflecting onto the water. the moon was now the only thing illuminating the forest surrounding me.. it all felt surreal. i wanted to get a glimpse at a better view.
as i began walking up the hill and towards the old rock pathway across the river, i remembered the last time i was here..

mike hesitantly started walking on the rocks and caught up with me. i grabbed his hand and we walked across together.
-"i don't like the idea of you coming out here alone. you could get hurt." he worriedly mumbled.
-"it's fine!" i shook off as we reached the ground again.

mike was actually the reason i stopped coming up here, he was so worried about me hurting myself. but he broke my heart tonight, so he doesn't control the things i do anymore.
i carefully walked across, successfully making it to the other side. i climbed up the tree that hovered over the river and sat down in the middle, relieved i made it. i looked over and my breath was taken away by the view i had of everything.. nature was always my favorite thing. it always brought peace to my mind, and peace was what i needed tonight. what mike did is so unbelievable. i don't know how i'm going to get through this.. i'm so in love with him and i wish i wasn't. i really wish i wasn't. i wish he hadn't hurt me, i wish he would've loved me like i thought he did. but he doesn't...

i need to stop thinking about him. it's just going to make me feel worse. i just want to soak in the beautiful night and the sight of the world in front of me. i looked up at the sky and saw faint clouds in the dark night sky.. gazing up at the stars relaxed me so.
even with my world falling apart, nature never fails to bring it back together.
nature is so beautiful.. the thought of life is so beautiful. i'm so grateful i get to live surrounded by such breathtaking things..
but mike was the most breath taking thing.