DANCE WITH THE DEVIL

Part 36 - The confession

Kinn's POV

Porsche and I went to his father's grave. Porsche asked me if I could watch from a distance and give him a few minutes alone because he wanted to talk privately with his father. I could hear him crying from afar, and I couldn't help but cry too. I've always loved him, from the moment I first saw him as a child, when he walked into the classroom, my heart raced like a horse in a race. No matter how hard I tried to forget him, no one could fill the hole in my heart like Porsche. Then came the opportunity to marry him when his father approached us—the happiest moment of my life. Maybe if I had acted differently and treated Porsche differently, we wouldn't be in this situation. If I had been less prideful, maybe Porsche would have agreed to date me when we were teenagers, and we would have married out of true love... but perhaps he doesn't love me at all? Maybe he feels obligated to be with me because of Prapai? The truth is, we haven't talked about our relationship now... I think this love is one-sided, and it's only mine. I don't think that Porsche has ever said he loves me... or does he love me? like me? don't hate me? hate me?

***

I went to visit Porsche in his room after he finished his physiotherapy. Since he returned, these are the only visits I make to his room. I don't dare stay there for more than twenty minutes, and I also make sure we're not alone for too long. I'm still afraid he'll find out why Ling managed to target him. Will he hate me for it? Or will I seem weak in his eyes?

"I heard that Prapai asked you for dating advice," Porsche said as he tried to sit up carefully.

"Mm-hmm, but he decided to listen to my brother instead of me," I said with jealousy.

"Are you jealous?" Porsche asked with a chuckle.

"How could I not be? He's my son," if it's even right to say that. What right do I have to say that?

"I believe he needs time to get used to this new routine," Porsche suggested.

"Porsche, can I ask you something?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes."

"Why did you choose to kill Ling like that? We could have tortured him like he did to you," I asked him.

"It's strange, but I felt sorry for him..." Porsche explained.

"Why?"

"Because he was always alone."

"What did he tell you?" I asked.

"He didn't tell me anything, but he always seemed sad to me, like he had no one."

I chuckled, not to mock Porsche, but because it was so typical of him to say that.

"Do I sound silly?" he asked.

"No, I just still don't understand how you don't feel any anger toward him"

"Torturing him wouldn't have made me forget anything. The only thing I wanted was to know that he was dead... I was afraid that somehow he would manage to escape, and I would once again live in fear that he would come after Prapai, Mike, after our family... after you..."

"After me?" Why is he afraid that Ling would hurt me?

"Mm-hmm, after he shot you... I felt like I wanted to die..."

"I'm sorry," I confessed. I couldn't say I didn't feel guilty.

"Sorry? This is the first time I hear Kinn Theerapanyakul say sorry," Porsche laughed.