Snowflakes Fall and So Did I

~CHAPTER 66~

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide

If you are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts, please don't be afraid to reach out. My three best friends have either attempted (and thankfully failed) or they have thought about it. I'm terrified of death, but I admit there have been days where I just want to stop existing. I have bad depression and anxiety. It's a crisis within my generation, but knowing that I'm not alone makes it better in a weird way.

You are not alone either. You are loved and I'm glad you're still here. I want you here and I'm sure many others do too. <3

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We didn't see Jack, Kristoff, Tooth, or Bunny at all during the waiting period before classes started. One minute before the bell rings though, Flynn had gotten a text from Kristoff that said they brought Jack to class early so he could miss the crowd. But since Jack and I have the first hour together, I knew I'd be seeing him soon, and my heart couldn't stop itself from pounding furiously.

But when I stepped into the classroom, my heart stopped, as well as my walking.

He sat in his assigned chair, put there by Tooth or Bunny or Kristoff, and he looked so much better than he did two weeks before. His left leg was still in a cast, the stitches on his head were gone, and I could see the bruised linear mark across his neck from where the seat belt had imprinted into his skin, saving his life. There was an area that was darker than the rest of his skin, bruised from where the most pressure had been from the seat belt. It's lighter than it was the last time I had seen it. A yellowish-green color now rather than the deep pinkish purple it had been before. Another two weeks and it should be gone. If people didn't know about the wreck, they probably would assume the darker area was a hickey. A big hickey, but one nonetheless.

The sudden thought of me giving him a love bite sends heat to my face, and it didn't help that he was staring right at me. Thankfully, Rapunzel takes my hand, breaking the eye contact between Jack and I, and helping me to my seat...right across from Jack.

He doesn't look at me when I make my way to my seat nor does he look at me when I say hello to Tooth and Bunny, who both say hello back. I wondered if he would have greeted me too if I had said hello to him, but...I was too shy to try. I did sneak one last glance at him, however. I let my eyes linger on him, on his neck where the bruise and seatbelt imprint were displayed for all to see.

The other bruises, bruises I hadn't seen before but know are there, remained hidden under his dark blue hoodie. I wore it a few times, and every time I wondered if he'd ever give it to me to keep, like how most boyfriends do as a symbol of their loyalty and love to their girl. He never did though. Nor did he give me his letterman jacket. Flynn and Kristoff have given theirs to Rapunzel and Anna and to be honest, I am quite jealous. But I know Jack. Or...I did. I knew that there was a reason why he never did, and I hoped that it was because he was surprising me with a hoodie or letterman jacket of my own (even though technically I'm not in any sports to have a letterman jacket; I figured he customized one).

But I'll never know for sure now.

I snap my eyes forward when I notice Jack start to turn my way. I could feel his eyes on me now, and wondered if he had felt mine which caused him to look. He probably did. Luckily, our teacher starts talking at that exact same moment, gaining his attention. "Alright, class," says Mrs. Hollow as she shuts the door, "Settle down now." Her eyes brighten when she notices Jack and I. "Oh thank goodness! Jack, Elsa, I'm so glad to see the two of you again. I hope you both are doing well."

Jack nods, and I wish I could have remained silent too, but Mrs. Hollow has always been so nice and understanding. I felt obligated to speak. "I am, thank you." But it's a lie.