Timeless: Tayvis Oneshots

jordan

for ben, fly high and rest in peace big brother <3 i love you

edit: guys he died in 2004 i love you so much for the love and support but it's not recent, ty though it means the world <3

tw: miscarriage, I know this is a terrifying thing for a lot of people so please read with caution, and reach out to me if you need anything at all okay my loves <3

Taylor's POV

It was time. 

I knew it had been approaching for a while, but tonight, I knew I had to do it. I had to tell Travis everything. 

I had to tell him about Jordan.

The pit of my stomach ached at just the thought of his name. It had been four years since that day, but I still missed him like I'd only lost him yesterday. It had been one final year with Joe, one year healing myself, two years with Travis who had shown me the meaning of love again. But Jordan still lay in my heart, reminding me of what I'd lost. What I'd destroyed.

Travis wasn't home yet, but he would be soon. I was glad I had this time alone, to get ready for what the evening would bring. It was going to be the hardest thing ever to tell him, but he deserved to know. I wanted him to know, since we had decided to start trying for our first baby soon. This was something he should know before I got pregnant.

Taking in a deep breath, I looked down at the box open in front of me. Travis knew I had it, but he'd seemed to sense that it was something truly personal and he hadn't' asked me about it. He knew I'd tell him when I was ready, and I hadn't been yet. Jordan's box was so special to me. It had the few baby clothes I'd bought before I'd lost him, the cards people had sent congratulating me on my pregnancy, the two ultrasounds I'd taken, and the tiny urn. The urn that held my baby boy, his ashes, the tiny crushed part of my heart.

"Okay." I blew out a long breath, closing my eyes and trying to calm myself. I knelt there on the floor of my office, breathing deeply until I'd managed to settle myself. 

Opening my eyes, I packed Jordan's box back up and got to my feet, cradling the carved wood to my chest as I took it out of my office for the first time since I'd put it there. Walking slowly, I carried it down to the big open living room and placed it down onto the coffee table. Gently. Then I stood up, wiped my eyes, wiped my fingers on my jeans. 

Knowing it would be a short while until Travis got home, I went into the kitchen and starting assembling a marinade for the meat. It could sit while we talked, and afterwards it wouldn't take long to cook. I didn't feel like eating now. All I could do was chew at my lip and move in silence, waiting for the sound of keys in the door.

When they came, my head rose. Travis walked down from the snowy outside, shaking off his jacket, smiling at me immediately. Then he noticed something was off and paused, slowly putting his jacket on. I looked over to Jordan's box out of habit, and Travis' eyes followed mine.

"Oh." He whispered, looking back at me. I knew he didn't know what the box contained, but he knew how serious it was, how emotional it made me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, and Travis walked up to me, encasing me into his arms. He hugged me close, making me feel safe and warm and loved, and I sunk into it. I clung to him for a minute, and then I pulled back.

"Let's go sit." I whispered.

Travis took my hand, and I led him over to the couch. We sat down in front of Jordan's box and I took a long, deep breath to try and calm down. I could already feel the pain, the hysteria rising. But I didn't need to let it take over. I was okay.