Rainbow Behind Stars

Chapter 19

Balisong — Rivermaya

•••

Months passed.

I still remember how the relationship we both had went smoothly, even though we chose to keep it lowkey. Wala pa kasi akong tapang. But Zane being Zane, he really considered my decision. Maybe in the right time, we will.

The feelings I have for Zane were still the same I had since junior high. I never felt this kind of love before, never until he came into my life and showered me with his affection.

Siya ang naging rason ko para hilingin ang magising nang masaya araw-araw. We went from highs and lows, but he never let me be drowned to the confusion. In fact, he’s very consistent. 

From the very start up until now, he remained consistent.

From the past month we both shared affection, we just love being with each other in each other’s rooms. Cuddling, watching movies, doing something wholesome. He stayed, even on my down times. Naalala ko kung gaano ito sumubok na gawin ang lahat para mapasaya ako nung birthday ko nung nakaraan, wala akong gana kasi pinagtulungan akong sermunan ng magulang ko because of my three below average quizzes. Mahirap naman kasi talaga, ang kaso lang— hindi nila naiintindihan ang hirap ko. I was juggling my academics alone, I haven’t had any support from them, they’re just there at my back only to throw pressuring feedback that didn’t motivate me, in fact it makes me lose the courage to work hard this time.

Kaso wala naman akong magagawa, wala akong pamimilian kundi ang sumunod sa kanila. 

Tears were forming through my eyes. Wala akong kasama kanina to check the rankings. Wala rin ang magulang ko dahil may errands sila. Sadness, fear, and disappointment really filled my body up upon seeing the rankings.

Tangina, rank 5. From being rank 1, I dropped to 5.

I was completely out of myself because of this. Luckily, my parents are not here right now kasi kung nandito sila, sigurado akong uusisain ng mga ito ang grades ko. As if they’re the ones who juggled the difficulty of the entire semester.

I was shocked when I heard a knock from our door. Sabi kasi nila mama, aabutin sila ng dalawang araw sa Manila. I don’t know what they are doing there but they said it's an important matter so I have no reasons to interfere with it.

“I love you!” Bungad ni Zane pagkabukas ko ng pinto. He brought a box of pizza and two milk tea— okinawa, and my favorite, Wintermelon.

Agad akong yumakap dito at hinayaang pakawalan ang mga hikbing pinipilit kong itago mula kanina pa. Agad ako nitong inalalayan papasok sa loob para ilapag ang mga dala at damayan ako.

“Baby, you did well. Ang galing mo.” He said, placing a kiss on my cheeks.

“May second sem pa tayo. Babawi tayo, okay?” Saad nito. 

“Nakakapagod na, Zane. Gusto ko na lang i-enjoy ‘to.” Sambit ko rito, tears were again forming in my eyes. 

“Zane, natatakot ako kasi.. Ito na lang yung dahilan ko para makita nila ako.”

All my life, I was like existing to fulfill my parent’s dream for myself. I even had no chances to decide on my own because they said they know better than me. Kesyo papunta pa lang daw ako, pabalik na sila. Luckily, they don't question my decision for my college program or should I say.. Hindi pa? Kasi hindi ko pa naman nasasabi sa kanila ang plano ko. I was a child built up with a pressuring mindset that was applied to myself. Gustuhin ko mang makawala, wala akong magawa, they are the ones who are funding my education.

“Keith, alam ko paghihirap mo sa buong sem. You always have me. Kaming mga sumusuporta sa’yo. Babawi tayo, ha? You know, in the process of doing something perfectly, you also have to face some setbacks or lapses. It will help you grow and realize what you need to improve so that next time, you’ll be better.”