Kiss Me One Last (Lemuel Bros. #2)

Wakas

I know this series is not every reader's cup of tea. But thank you for bearing with me.

This story is for all the Tia—who hopes for their unhealthy situation to change someday.

This is also for all the Alvaro—who hopes for a change from their old, unhealthy ways.

This is for you who sees the Tia and Alvaro around you or in you.

May we all find hope, rescue, and redemption in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

*****

-ALVARO-

"Kung humihingi lang tayo ng tawad sa Diyos para lang tuparin na Niya ang hinihiling natin, then are we truly humble enough to recognize our faults and willing to change our ways?

"Do we truly recognize that whenever we ask God for forgiveness, we are actually acknowledging that we have offended Him and the people He told us to love?"

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay ni Tatiana. We are sitting side by side, listening to the morning sermon.

Naramdaman ko namang gumalaw si Thalia at sinandal ang ulo sa dibdib ko. She's quietly sitting on my lap, her eyelids falling. I kissed the top of her head. My little girl gave in and went to her dreamland. Inayos ko na lang ang suporta ng isa ko pang braso sa anak ko.

We've been going to church as a whole family after I recovered from my coma. We have never missed a Sunday mass ever since.

Tatiana and I are slowly restoring our relationship as a married couple and making good family habits for Thalia. Upang sa pagdating din ng pangalawa naming supling, mas handa kaming salubungin ito.

"If we're asking for forgiveness and it's not purely His grace and healing we wanted to receive after, what's the point of asking for it in the first place? If we're only asking for his forgiveness as an exchange—na para bang sinasabi natin sa Diyos na, 'O, Panginoon, nanghingi na 'ko ng tawad sa 'yo. Tuparin mo na po sana ang gusto ko, ha? Nanghihingi na 'ko ng tawad, biyayaan Mo na po ulit ako, ah?'

"Do we pray like this? Or are we not aware that we are praying like this?" the preacher asked, rhetorically. "Let's dive deep into our hearts. Nanghihingi ba tayo ng kapatawaran dahil nais nating mapatawad at tulungan Niyang magbago? O hanggang sa paghingi ng tawad, we wanted to be selfishly rewarded? Akala ba natin, utang na loob pa ng Diyos sa 'tin kung marunong tayo manghingi ng tawad? Pero marunong ba tayong talaga?

"Even to the people we have wronged, do we apologize to be forgiven and make things right with them? Or do we apologize as a tool to manipulate and abuse that person, all over again?"

I quietly answered in my head. Although I wasn't a believer before, I used to ask Tatiana for forgiveness because I wanted her to take me, again.

I desired something in return and not basically because I acknowledged how much I offended her.

Now, my eyes were opened. My heart, ashamed.

I know I was selfish, but I didn't know how conceited I was. Even if I truly had no intention to lie and deceive her again if she had forgiven me earlier, I understand that I was not humble enough to be accountable.

Natakot din akong aminin kahit sa sarili kong malaki ang kasalanan ko sa lahat ng taong idinamay ko.

It was all my fear and unbelief...