Note to Self

Journal #85

I'M DONE EXPLAINING MYSELF.

It took me too long to understand that no matter how much I explain my side, some people will twist it to fit their narrative. I used to pour my heart out, desperately hoping they'd see the truth, but l've learned the hard way-if someone truly wanted to understand, they wouldn't make me beg for it.

If you've already decided I'm the villain in your story, fine. I'm not going to keep bending over backwards trying to prove I'm good enough, worthy enough, or innocent enough. The truth is, the more I explain, the more power I give to someone who doesn't want to hear it.

Let them believe what they want.
Let them say it was all my fault.
Let them stay stuck in their version of events.

LET. THEM.

I won't defend myself anymore. Because l've realized something crucial-explaining myself over and over doesn't bring peace. It only exhausts me. It only reinforces their narrative, because if they really cared to understand, they would've listened the first time.

I'm reclaiming my energy.
I'm walking away from the endless loop of justification and debate.
I deserve connections where I don't have to fight for my truth to be seen.
If my silence makes you uncomfortable, then be uncomfortable.
If my choice not to explain feels like defeat to you, that's on you.
I'm no longer concerned with trying to win a battle I never agreed to fight.

I'm done begging to be understood.
I'm done begging for kindness, respect, and empathy that should've been given freely.
I'm done putting myself on trial in a court that was never fair to begin with.

I'M DONE.

The only explanation I owe is to myself: that I choose peace over their noise.
I choose to move on without the weight of constantly trying to be heard by people who are committed to misunderstanding me.
Let them think what they want.

LET THEM GO.

I will not explain myself again.
Because, honestly, I don't need to.