Jahnnie Drabbles 4✿

☆Late Night Feelings☆

cw: mental illness, talking about one- self negatively, masking mentioned, depression

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It was late at night. The crickets were chirping and it was a crisp fall night. Jake was laying on his side. An empty gaze in his honey-browns as he is just staring at his window. The moonlight reflected inside the room and glowed onto Jake's face.

He felt a pit of sadness hit his stomach as he rolled over and onto his back. He couldn't shake off the feeling. That who he was is wrong. That being his authentic self is wrong. He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. Chewing and fidgeting on his snake bites.

Johnnie was laying on his bed in the next room, listening to music. He was feeling a little lonely too, and the thought of being alone didn't sit well with him.

He took off his headphones and got up, deciding to go and check on Jake.He quietly opened the door to Jake's room and peeked inside.

Jake didn't even register that his bedroom door opened. Since he was so deep into his head. His mind is tangled with darkened thoughts and feelings and his facial expression remained neutral. His brown eyes still having that empty look in them as he sighed softly.

Johnnie walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Jake with concern."Hey, you okay? You look kinda down."

Jake looked over. Noticing Johnnie. He sighed as he scooted over. Laying his head onto Johnnie's lap and hugging his waist. Not 'typical' friend behavior.

Johnnie was surprised by the gesture but he didn't push Jake away. Instead, he gently placed his hand on Jake's head, gently running his fingers through his hair."What's going on, buddy? You can tell me anything, you know."

Jake melts into the touch of his hair being played with. "I just been in my head, that's all." He replied as he tightened his grip on Johnnie's waist.

Johnnie continues to play with Jake's hair, gently massaging his scalp. He could tell that Jake was struggling with something, but he didn't want to push him too hard."Is it something you want to talk about? I'm here to listen."

Jake sighed softly as his eyes fluttered close to the feeling of his hair being played with. He likes the sensation as his grip loosens. He opened his eyes. "I don't know if i can tell you,"

Johnnie frowned slightly, sensing that whatever it was, it was really bothering Jake. He continued to run his fingers through Jake's hair, trying to offer some comfort.

"You can tell me anything Jake, I promise. I won't judge you. We're friends, remember? We're supposed to support each other."

Jake opened his eyes as he just stared at his floor. His mullet brown hair getting all messed up. "I just feel like,.." he paused as  he thinks about what words to say. "Like,– I don't know– i feel ashamed for being me."

Johnnie's heart ached at Jake's words. He could see the pain in Jake's eyes and it broke his heart.

"What do you mean, you feel ashamed for being you? You're an amazing person, Jake. There's nothing wrong with being yourself."

"I don't know, i just suck" Jake replied. Tightening his grip on Johnnie's waist. "I feel like– i shouldn't.. like, express myself, you know?" He replied, "Like– i should keep it hidden away,".

Johnnie's expression softened even more. He gently tilted Jake's chin up, forcing him to look at him.

"Hey, listen to me. You don't suck, okay? And you shouldn't have to hide who you are. Expressing yourself is a good thing, it's what makes you unique and special. You shouldn't be ashamed of being yourself, you should be proud."