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[Post #3] [If Only]

Luke

Friday comes, and we get dismissed at the usual time. Calum is coming over to mine tonight, to do 'homework'. Michael's joining us after dinner, as well as Ashton. We're planning on recording/filming 'A Daydream Away' when they come, and then have a boy's night in. FIFA, pizza... you name it.

"Hi boys," mum greets whilst opening the door. We enter and already we can smell mum's perfume, and dad's beer. Those two scents mixed together make home. "Anything to drink?"

I look at Calum who shrugs politely, if that's even possible. "We'll get it ourselves," I reply, eager to get upstairs so we can be alone. We've got two bags each - he's got his sports bag and I've got one full of homework that's due on Monday. Once we're in my room, we sigh and collapse on to the bed. My eyes shut and when they open, Calum is right in front of me, not more than two inches away. His eyes are shut too but I can feel his warm breath on my face. I hope to stay like that for as long as possible, but my hopes turn into dust when his eyes open. He jolts up and pretends to sort out his hair in my wardrobe mirror. 

"So what homework have you got?" he says, facing the mirror. 

"The usual. Maths, English, music, biology and history. All due on Monday. You?"

"Just biology and maths."

I nod even though he can't see me, and stare at the white carpet near his feet. My eyes make a trail up to his hair, which as usual, is on point. His long fingers travel through it like blades, cutting through the neat mass of dark brown strands. Calum. Oh Calum.

After finishing our homework and eating dinner, Michael and Ashton turn up at the same time, evidently having met up prior to arrival. We rush upstairs and set up for some rehearsing.

[Post #3] [If Only]

Friday 15/6/12 23:19

Hi there, C. We had a ton of fun rehearsing 'A Daydream Away' today, didn't we? The bass sounds better than ever, now that you've learnt it properly; and our voices just harmonise automatically, it seems. 

Earlier, I opened my eyes and you were in front of me. I resisted the urge to kiss you, but it was so hard. I very almost gave in to the temptation. I hate being in the friend zone, and yet there's nothing I can do. I can't confess my feelings to you, what if you reject them? I can't do subtle flirting - you can, but I can't. It's like I'm stuck in a loop. If only you could get me out.

Come to think of it, I say 'if only' a lot nowadays.

If only I had the courage to confess.

If only I could be 100% comfortable around you.

If only I could tell someone about these feelings.

If only they weren't wrong.

If only you'd confess to me.

If only you loved me.

It's dumb, stupid, futile - I know. What can I do, but say 'if only'?

We're advancing very quickly in our careers and I hope it doesn't bring us apart. If anything, it should bring us closer. If we ever get the chance to tour abroad and stay in hotels, I hope that we can share a room. Maybe even a bed.

Until the day that we kiss,

Penguin <(") 

A/N: Thanks to CalPal_Horan for reminding me that this story still exists :) I was very surprised to see that people actually read it tho! So thank you, and if you haven't already, please check out my other cake fanfiction :) 

Also, lemme know what you think about this one!

Kimmy xx